Illustrious Solitude by E. nigma - Short, Drama - All the money in the world can’t heal old wounds. 7 pages - html, format 8) |
When I first starting reading this, I thought to myself oh no, not another redundant sex scene at the beginning of a short.
However the more I read the more I was intrigued by the situation and as a result, it somewhat put the whole "basic instinct" sex scene into perspective.
Here is what I liked about your script.
The characters felt dark, and a little perverse and this was what kept me hooked. Also, I didn't mind the dialogue, since what was being said was actually compelling for those who actually cared to pay attention.
Let me assert, people do sound like this in the real world, (obviously you do) albeit a certain kind of people which is not generalizing it too much.
This script felt like Mullholland Drive Los Angeles film nior. Where people are not what they seem and have a hidden agenda.
What I didn't like about the script is the ending and the one dimensional feme fetal lead. She is a bitch, but a bitch without substance or charm.
Did you hate this character as you wrote her? If you did it shows.
I liked the man, but once again his role was limited to a one dimensional archtype that left little to chew on. I wanted more, and I wish you went deeper with this character.
This script ended with absolutely no closure or climax. It just ended which is tragic, because if done write, I think you could have made this script feel like Twin Peaks.
Even though simone felt like she was playing an important part. It's never clear what part she is actually playing. This is again another perfect example of pretentious writing that simply fails because the writing oversights some important clues that could have given this riddle life.
Fix the ending, make the lead bitch with deeper issues (but keep her sociopathic qualities intact). As you rewrite, leave the dialogue to the very end. If you can show without saying, your dialogue will lift off the page as movie dialogue.
Overall a good attempt but nothing more.