Close Encounters of the Furred Kind by Eileen Dover - Short, Family Horror - The small outback town of Shiloh's Bend is celebrating Halloween with their annual festival, when something unimaginable happens. For a small family, a night of fun has just become a battle for survival. - pdf, format 8)

Well, I defintelly like the premise here, but I'm afraid, in my book, it does not meet the challenge.  Although it involves a Halloween festival, it's barely in play, but the bigger issue is that this does not seem to be in the family horror genre...too violent, as well as bloody, and mean spirited, with all teh deaths and destruction.

Writing is good for the most part, but there are a number of mistakes, typos, and a good bit of passive verbiage as well.  On page 7, Decklin becomes Damon.  I also don't think the inclusion of "prowler's POV" worked well.  I also don't like the tacked on last scene, as it doesn't add anything, really.  I do like the actual loacations, as it gave this a "real" feel.

Again, a good effort here, and a great premise that could use another 15 pages or so to be fleshed out and turned into what this could be.

Good job!

I have to absolutely agree with  Dreamscale. There are waaaay too many adult themes in this that put this out of the family genre. If this were family then who's to stop  Texas Chainsaw massacre from being well... Family horror.  Blood has no place in family films, I'm not mad at you for confusing the two because it's best you nip it in the but here than get an assignment and write the wrong thing. This is a learning experience.

As a script this is interesting... real interesting maybe some might call it a bit zany especially how the prompt is sort of shoe horned in there. Australia eh, never been but I know that this doesn't really work as a cohesive story.

Soften it up a bit no blood gore or murder in family horror. Kidnappings, disappearances, transformations and mummifications are alternatives to making a script like this more kid friendly.

** Spoiler **

What's not to like? Bloodthirsty 'roos! Should have thrown in some were-koalas for more cuddles for the kids. An old man peeing whilst singing Beatles' songs was cool. Actually, writing was okay. The ending was anticlimatic. This was too much to expect a family to watch.  

Gary

Demonic kangaroos.  That old Halloween staple.  I liked this premise, but I think it would have worked better, and fit into the OWC theme better, if you approached it with a more tongue-in-cheek, kid-friendly attitude.  This is really more of a marsupial slasher than a family horror tale.   Well done for a week's notice, but it falls well outside of kiddie horror.

This feels like the kangaroo version of Jurassic Park! There might be some bloody and violent scenes in there, but hey, Jurassic Park is like that and a lot of families went to see it.

Anyway, back to the story, the progression of events is pretty standard: kangaroo attack, people run to safety, the end. I'd prefer some explanation of where and why the kangaroos are like that. I didn't get the ending: how come the kangaroo didn't attack the trio on the highway?

And what's the point with the ending scene with Chris?

I feel the story needs to be fleshed out a bit more and gives us some surprises.

It's a good effort nevertheless.

Mate, those roos cna be vicious! Unfortunately they don't belong here!

This was an entertaining but very bloody entry so no bananas.

I'm still trying to work out who wrote this (believe me, I didn't - my Beatles clues are never THAT obvious!).
i thought Jeff had done it, with his penchant for gore in a family horror! some of the names don't seem really Aussie like.
But then there's stuff that only an Aussie would know - Holden Commodore stands out.

Hmm, by process of elimination, it has to be Chris Reid, Trojan, or Matt Chisholm.

But then again i could be completely bullshitting, and it's me or Jeff...

Hmmm, if I didn't write this, it sure would seem like it was blatantly Stevie, or someone else trying to make it look like it was Stevie.

We have a mystery!!!!!!

I liked it. It was gory and violent in places, but then again, what coding said about Jurassic Park, it makes sense that this is violent and bloody and still considered a horror film. I mean, with the video games created today, violence really isn't a problem anymore, and soon, I don't think gore will be either.

With that said, closure was a problem here, but it seemed like only the beginning of a longer script, so hopefully you can expand on this since there's a limit to how long it can be. Hopefully you will expand. This is a pretty good premise, and can even be turned into a horror-comedy. I mean, killer Kangaroos? That's begging for it's own movie.

Writing and descriptions are good, and the dialogue was pretty well-written, too.

I think I may know who wrote this one.

Sean

Quoted from Zombie Sean I mean, killer Kangaroos? That's begging for it's own movie.

I've read numerous Australian feature scripts about Killer Roos in some form or another - none have been made yet that I know of.  And I haven't read this one yet.

A horror story, (not 'Family Horror') that just so happens to occur on Halloween. And, while Halloween is slowly catching on in Australia we don't generally have Fairs devoted to it - least in Sydney we don't. So I would be really surprised if this was written by an Aussie.

Also, the Halloween-costume references to Bill Maher and the Hispanic Court Judge -an Aussie would more than likely reference an Aussie icon. Plus we spell tire with a 'y' - and would not write Taronga National Zoo so it's all very dodgy imo.

And the characters want to get out of a town that as far as I know doesn't exist (which is fine) but then they debate on whether to escape to 'Alice' 'Darwin' or Adelaide! There's about 1600k's between Darwin & Alice Springs, so apparently even they don't know where they are!

Could be an Aussie pretending to be an American pretending to be an Aussie who really is an Aussie. Oh, I give up.

Despite the gore, typos, and technical flaws - the main thing I enjoyed about this was that it was entertaining - the fast pace and action scenes were quite well done. Not a Family oriented story - more like Rogue or Black Water with roos and a little Beatles thrown in as a red-herring if you ask me.

Very curious to see who wrote this one.

When I was a kid - and we are talking 30+ years ago here - there was a comic strip in a British comic that featured radioactive killer kangaroos! I have fond memories of the strip!

With this in mind, I was looking forward to reading this script. It reminded me a bit of "Razorback", if anyone remembers that! I would have to agree that it was perhaps a little too adult for a "family" horror story, even if that is a very vague term. Having it start with a man urinating is almost certainly you wouldn't see in a film aimed at a family audience!

LC suggested that this might be by an American - and that would seem to be held up by the dialogue - if there has not been a super stating this was Australia, I certainly wouldn't have known it was supposed to be my Commonwealth cousins! The town's name, the reference to a Halloween holiday, all of this suggests it is set in America!

I felt that the big problem with the script is that it all happens too fast - there is no real build up, no character development - this is the sort of story which would make a feature, and which requires some run in before the carnage begins - it's a bit like reading the last ten minutes of "8 Legged Freaks" and wondering who these people are and why we should care about them!

There isn't really a story here - just an idea. The Roos attack, and that's it really. We don't learn why they turn against man, nor is there any follow up. This is definitely an idea that needs to be developed and expanded to work properly. In terms of being a short, it just doesn't.

I don't think this was written by an Aussie because an Aussie would have supplied a reason for the kangaroos attacking.  As you drive the roads here, there is one very obvious reason why the kangaroos would rebel.  When you you count the kangaroos on your drive, you count the dead kangaroos on the side.  There are an enormous amount of dead kangaroos here.  That's what was missing from this story and that is what also points to it not being written by an Aussie.

At least that's what I'll claim when I'm wrong later.

Other than a reason for why the kangaroos went berserk this was a pretty good entry in the OWC.  I think it's probably a bit too scary for the kiddies but it falls within the adult family side of things nicely.  It's a pretty standard genre film actually following the same pattern as any modern creature feature.

Good Job.

***OO

It was an easy read...it acually went very quick for me.

Some suggested it was too violent...and I suppose it was and is...

I think for the most part I liked it but it was flat at the end...seems to me after the Kangaroo torture from a fortnight before that a zoo would have had it's eyes on the roos :)  

It was well written, some type-O's as mentioned....maybe we all like the premise but it just didn't go anywhere...why did the kangaroos let those kids escape...maybe we'll never know. :)

Cheers! M

Liked the intro, incorporating a little Beatles tune, generating some suspense as the prowler is about to spring on this guy. Prowler should be introduced as a character, I think.

"This is just them shoving their hyped-up, superficial, cooked-in-saturatedfat culture down our throats."
I trust you've had chicken fried bacon? Hmmm...chicken fried bacon.

Fairy Floss? Sounds like cotton candy.

Are folks down under up on who's who on the US Supreme Court? Be impressed if they were, as most Americans ain't.

HYSTERICAL WOMAN should be properly introduced.

Like the murderous horde of kangaroos, but it kind of kills the family friendly nature of the challenge. Kangaroos pouncing like velociraptors is a pretty funny mental image. They are usually so cute.

tires tearing up grass as it pulls out onto a dirt road and tears off- Used "tears" twice here.

Pg. 10...If Gemma's bleeding, I'm going to be disappointed if she doesn't turn into a kangaroo monster herself.

And...nope. Just ended. I'm sad now. Why? What was driving these 'roos to attack with such bloody carnage? Why did they stop all of a sudden? Seems like this was an Act 1, and we need the hero to solve the problem and rescue the big cities from the coming Kangaroo Apocalypse.

A bit sloppy in terms of formatting. Fun story though with some cool visuals.

I am working in Akron, OH right now, and the University of Akron has a Kangaroo named Zippy as their mascot, with the slogan: Fear the Roo!

Go here and look if you don't believe me: http://www.feartheroo.net/

Anyway, this was one freaky tale, and I'd have bet a dollar to a donut that stevie had written it.  However, perhaps that's just what someone WANTS us to think.  Hmmmm?

Well this was definitely written by an Australian, and with the Bill Maher and George Costanza reference I think I know who.  I think this played out pretty well, kind of an Australian version of gremlins in a way, and i think it's fine for a family horror, it's not too over the top with the violence.  It also has some humor to lighten the load.  Nice job on this.  good work.

I didn't get any feeling it was set in Australia. It just felt like America with roos added!

I have always felt that Australian cinema had a particular feel to it - from The Cars That Ate Paris to Patrick to Mad Max to Crocodile Dundee - they felt Australian, but this didn't invoke anything for me except an Arizonan desert with some marsupials thrown in!

But I am probably completely wrong.

Thanks for the reads and the comments everyone! I'll try and answer as many of your questions and comments as I can.

Quoted from Dreamscale Well, I defintelly like the premise here, but I'm afraid, in my book, it does not meet the challenge.  Although it involves a Halloween festival, it's barely in play, but the bigger issue is that this does not seem to be in the family horror genre...too violent, as well as bloody, and mean spirited, with all teh deaths and destruction.

The whole script was meant to be taken with a pinch of salt. I wish I had been able to work more comedy into it, but the funny stuff is not my strong suit. I was going for kind of a Jurassic Park thing, which was very violent and bloody for a family film. But I saw it when I was 6 years old and loved it so that's my defense. And being a huge hater of children, I feel it's my personal duty to psychologically scar as many of them as I can.  :)

Quoted from Dreamscale On page 7, Decklin becomes Damon.  I also don't think the inclusion of "prowler's POV" worked well.

Decklin was originally named Damon. It was too close to Eamon so I changed it part the way through. Guess I missed one. The POV was there just to tease the kangaroos.

Thanks for the read, Jeff.

Hellsing3000, grademan, Cam17, thanks for reading!

Quoted from Coding Herman Anyway, back to the story, the progression of events is pretty standard: kangaroo attack, people run to safety, the end. I'd prefer some explanation of where and why the kangaroos are like that. I didn't get the ending: how come the kangaroo didn't attack the trio on the highway? And what's the point with the ending scene with Chris?

I agree. But standard is what you get with me when I only have a few days to write something. I'm slow and need time to come up with the good stuff.  ;) The ending was inspired basically by Hitchcock's The Birds where they drive off and the birds don't attack them. And the lack-of-an-explaination thing was done intentionally. Even if I had 100 pages I wouldn't have explained it because -- again taking my cue from Hitchcock -- any explaination I could have provided would've either been too obvious or cliched. I think it's more interesting if it just happens and we follow the people trying to deal with it. The scene with Chris was there to say that whatever happened in the town is starting to happen in other places and this isn't a localised event and now possibly millions of people are in danger. Audiences love a happy ending.

Quoted from stevie Hmm, by process of elimination, it has to be Chris Reid, Trojan, or Matt Chisholm.

Congrats, stevie! You've won a shiny penny!
Thanks for the read.

Quoted from Zombie Sean With that said, closure was a problem here, but it seemed like only the beginning of a longer script, so hopefully you can expand on this since there's a limit to how long it can be. Hopefully you will expand. This is a pretty good premise, and can even be turned into a horror-comedy. I mean, killer Kangaroos? That's begging for it's own movie.

This seems to be the consensus. I'd love to expand it and give it a more Aussie vibe. It might happen, but I wouldn't hold your breath. You know what I'm like. Thanks for the read, Sean!

Quoted from LC A horror story, (not 'Family Horror') that just so happens to occur on Halloween. And, while Halloween is slowly catching on in Australia we don't generally have Fairs devoted to it - least in Sydney we don't. So I would be really surprised if this was written by an Aussie. Also, the Halloween-costume references to Bill Maher and the Hispanic Court Judge -an Aussie would more than likely reference an Aussie icon. Plus we spell tire with a 'y' - and would not write Taronga National Zoo so it's all very dodgy imo.

Thanks for reading, LC. I took a little creative license with the whole Halloween thing. It's not really popular down here (thank God) but I had to set it in Aus so that I could have hordes of kangaroos. The Bill Maher thing, I love Bill Maher and I referenced him and an American politician because Australian entertainers and politicians are so boring and uninteresting. Whereas American politics -- particularly the Republican side of things -- are usually hilarious.

Thank you for reading, Niles Crane. I didn't write it to be super, duper Australian. The town's name is a Biblical reference, I didn't intend for it to be an American reference.

Cornetto, MBCgirl, thank you kindly for the reads!

Quoted from Blakkwolfe Fairy Floss? Sounds like cotton candy.

Fairy floss is what we call cotton candy in Australia. Thanks for reading!

steven8 - thanks for the read!

Quoted from The boy who could fly Well this was definitely written by an Australian, and with the Bill Maher and George Costanza reference I think I know who.

Ahhh you know me too well, my friend. Gotta have the Costanza reference. Thanks for reading, Jordan!

Thank you everyone for  taking the time to read and comment on the script. I'm glad at least some of you sort of liked it. It'd be a fun feature, I think. I'd like to expand it and see if I can bring out more of the comedy and also push the gore a lot further. I held back a lot because of the family horror thing, some people say not enough, but like I said, I do enjoy tormenting small children.

Hi Matt. Some good insights into the creation of your script!

Just out of curiosity, was the Beatles ref a red herring to make People think I did it? Or do you just like 'Twist and Shout'? (doesn't everyone?!)

cheers

Quoted from stevie Just out of curiosity, was the Beatles ref a red herring to make People think I did it? Or do you just like 'Twist and Shout'? (doesn't everyone?!)

No red herring. No herring of any colour, actually. I just think it's a cool song.  :)

Quoted from matt chisholm I didn't write it to be super, duper Australian.

I was just disappointed that it did not feel more grounded in the country it was set in.

I thought it might have been a deliberate parody of the tendency of Americans to make films about other countries and then treat them as if they are just another extension of the US!

This extends to your choice of town name - yes, it is biblical and you may not have chosen it to sound American, but it is also a famous American town and site of a Civil War battle.

Quoted from Niles_Crane I thought it might have been a deliberate parody of the tendency of Americans to make films about other countries and then treat them as if they are just another extension of the US!

Ha, no! I'm not intelligent enough for that level of social commentary. It would never have occurred to me had you not mentioned it.  :B

I enjoyed some of the dialogue with Jemma and Eamon for the most part.

The fact that Eamon has something against Americans is interesting from the perspective of... of... from the perspective of me wondering why the writer wanted to write that.  ;D

Here:

>EAMON
“Halloween spirit?”
What are you talking about?
Halloween was invented by a bunch
of moronic Americans to make
themselves feel better about
being so fat. This is just them
shoving their hyped-up,
superficial, cooked-in-saturatedfat
culture down our throats.

I think actually it was The Druids who started it all. Blame them; not Americans. And I'ma wondering: Where do we Canadians fit into this whole thing?  ;D

And interesting idea with killer kangaroos.

Good effort here,

Sandra

I don't think that the Druid's went door to door asking for sweets, and throwing eggs at the huts that wouldn't give them any.

But I may be wrong.

Quoted from Niles_Crane I don't think that the Druid's went door to door asking for sweets, and throwing eggs at the huts that wouldn't give them any. But I may be wrong.

Nice little Druids would have certainly behaved themselves and not have thrown eggs.

But they might have said, "Fire that bad boy up!"  ;D

Sandra

Quoted from Sandra Elstree. I think actually it was The Druids who started it all. Blame them; not Americans. And I'ma wondering: Where do we Canadians fit into this whole thing?  ;D And interesting idea with killer kangaroos. Good effort here

I blame Americans for starting the modern incarnation of Halloween, which has little if anything to do with the Druids. And as far as I know, Canadians celebrate Halloween the same way Americans do, so Canadians fit in with them I guess. ;)

Thanks for the read, it's greatly appreciated.

Quoted from chism I blame Americans for starting the modern incarnation of Halloween, which has little if anything to do with the Druids. And as far as I know, Canadians celebrate Halloween the same way Americans do, so Canadians fit in with them I guess. ;)

You can blame the Catholic church for Halloween. It's their fault, stealing pagan festivals. Again.

Quoted from rendevous You can blame the Catholic church for Halloween.

Hey, that's my favourite hobby! This is gonna be a fun night.  ;D