The Outsiders by Daniel T Wood - Horror - Two couples try to make their ferry crossing, only to take a short cut through a village. Turns out the villagers don't like outsiders.  81 pages - pdf, format 8)

Haven't read the script yet, but i will. First things first though, your logline needs to be re-written. Remember, this is the first thing that an investor will hear/see before deciding on whether to read your script.

"Two couples make a small trip across the channel to grab some cheap deals" - Okay 2 couples works but is it absolutely vital to know that they are going across the channel to find cheap deals?

"turns into a nightmare when they take a short cut through a village." - Try to avoid using buzz words like "nightmare" in the logline of a Horror flick. Given the genre, we know something is going to go horribly wrong

"Only to find out it is run by a cannibal family" - Careful, if this is your big reveal, if this is your super secret squirelly twist that makes your script different than all the other road trip horror films, then becareful about how you reveal it in a logline

Daniel,
I saw you changed your logline, alot better now sir! I plan on reading your script sometime this week and posting some notes

Hey there!

I did, and thank you very much for the advice. I must say, once I read your post, then read through my logline again, I saw the mistakes you pointed out. Thank you for the advice and I hope you enjoy the script.

*****WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD*****

Disclaimer: Talk between 2 writers should not be taken personal. In no way is anything that follows an attack against you or your craft. Ultimate goal is for you to sell your script, get an IMDB credit, and collect a paycheck . . . given my training, knowledge, and experience; this is what I think can help make your script better:

THE OUTSIDERS

You script falls under the Horror type: Monster-In-The-House where our heroes are forced to remain in an isolated location while being stalked by an element of evil.

SETTING:
Your setting is a very important element that you need to develop more for International readers. Not saying that you have to change it to an American setting by any means, but on Pg 4, when we meet our heroes, change your slug line to their literal location. F.E:
“EXT. CARDIFF, ENGLAND CITY STREETS – DAY”
** - This can be avoided by identifying your setting in your log line

DIALOGUE / CHARACTERS:
HEROES:  You did a good job with establishing your characters and identifying their good qualities and flaws. (F.E. Michael is strong willed, aggressive, and quick to act BUT he also has Alpha Male syndrome and is an asshole)

However, your dialogue is a downfall in your script. Multiple times I found that your characters were saying lines that were way over the top and were trying to be cool or funny. It’s important to remember that every element of your script is super urgent and of the utmost importance because it is always a Life or Death situation.  Lastly, Samantha, I wanted to smack the second half of your script. We get that she is traumatized that her husband has been killed, but over dramatic line after over dramatic line is over kill.

VILLIANS: The family dynamic is really interesting. I would involve the cops a lot more and a lot earlier in your story because they act as a sign of hope for your heroes. Turns out to be false hope which is good, but give them a little bit of hope earlier.

Again, I found myself rolling my eyes at majority of their lines during the second half because again they were trying to sound cool and funny. Also, where is everyone else in the village? A gigantic fire rages, gun shots ring out, etc . . . . There has to be more people in this village then population 6.

STORY HOLES:
- If this is a completely isolated cannibalistic village that hates Outsiders . . . why is it so easy to find? Why is there a bus that comes through the Village that would bring Outsiders in and out? Why would they allow a movie crew to come there and use pieces of their Village for filming?

- What was the importance of having Claire’s parents in the story?  I’d seriously consider cutting them out and saving the SAG daily rate or giving them more of a reason to be there

SCRIPT BREAKDOWN:
Opening Image: (Pg1 – Pg4) Classic Horror intro with people getting killed off
-Pg 4, once Melissa enters and exits the barn, make a new slug line:               INT. BARN – NIGHT – CONTINOUS
-Avoid using “we” by any means necessary unless it is critical to your story
“Melissa sees Jeff going to grab her as:
                                   SMASH CUT TO:
MAIN TITLES

Set Up: (Pg 4-Pg14) We learn that Michael, Claire, Samantha, and Tony are taking a trip to France. Samantha and Tony are the picture perfect couple where as Michael and Claire are still figuring each other out, but Claire hides the secret that she is pregnant.
-  Add ages and brief intro sentences for your characters
- Pg 13, Michael and Tony’s dialogue walking towards the car, flip it where Michael blames Tony for getting them killed. Makes more sense coming off your previous scene’s dialogue

Catalyst: (Pg 14) A car accident causes our heroes to take a different route:
-This occurs on Pg 14 of a 81 page script. Too long! We need to get to this moment sooner at like minute 10 or 11.
-They find this roadway leading to this secret village really easily, almost too easy

Break Into Act 2: (Pg 16) A car accident, our heroes black out, and Claire wakes up in a mysterious house.

“B” Story: I struggled to identify your “B” story. It can’t be the Michael-Claire relationship. Ultimately, I decided to go with the relationship between the heroes and Linda.

Fun and Games: (Pg 16-Pg44) We meet some town folks, they learn they are stranded until the bus arrives, Tony dies, Bob is killed and the Pub set ablaze.

Midpoint: (pg 61) Michael learns that they are cannibals!!
-Way too late in the script for your big reveal to come into play!!!!!
-I would literally go straight from Dillon taking the 3 hostage and then snap cut to Michael being thrown into the cellar.  

Bad Guys Close In: (Pg61 – Pg78): Jeff is killed and our 2 police officers get involved.
- If both cops are SGTs, then why does Lewis call Smith sir? Make Lewis a lower rank
- Michael gets arrested, driven to the police station, and then led into the armory, but given a knife. Driven back to the house where they find the cellar again before Lewis gets on his side?  At this point in the script, I stopped rolling my eyes and literally said to myself, “are you f**king kidding me?” This needs to be changed and re-worked because this is poor story telling. Again, Lewis in the picture gives our heroes hope!
-This segment almost doesn’t exist in your script due to your Midpoint being so late. This is a huge problem!!

All Is Lost: (Pg78) Samantha dies

Dark Night of the Soul: Not Present In Script

Finale: (Pg 78-80) Michael fights of Smith and gets Claire to the Bus
- Last Scene Idea: While Michael and Claire are sitting on the bench waiting for the bus to get there, have Claire tell Michael that she is pregnant

OVERALL:
You did the right thing by “giving us the same thing, but different.” You essentially began to write Wrong Turn 4, but twisted it with the entire family aspect.  This script has potential and I can see it being optioned, shot, and released straight to DVD. But, you are still a couple drafts away from being close to a shooting script. Your format needs to be re-worked from pages 30-81.  All in all, congrats on finishing the script and a job well done. Keep writing!