Karma by Pernell Mcnear - Drama - When true love calls your name will you answer, or will your innermost thoughts and actions answer for you? 100 pages - pdf, format 8)

There was this thread titled "we see" here recently that generated a lot of buzz of what to write and not what to write. There was similar thread on camera direction, and I'll venture to guess there was one on wrylies. The basic outcome of said threads is that you can write anything in any way if it helps the story along, otherwise it's tres distracting, kind of like yellow jackets at a Seattle picnic. You, my friends, have yellow jackets...lots of them. And I'm walking away from the salmon until they are done eating.

On the very good chance that this might need something more to stay intact, I'll say that all of the directions, from camera to acting, is very distracting in this story. If you pulled ALL of it out, it would read much, much better.

Another point...prior to credits, you have the eyes meet eyes scene. You have established your story there. The title is KARMA. Eyes meeting eyes is LUST, not Karma. You might want to rethink your opening scene.

Thanks for your input.  We will get that corrected.