For Lack of a Soul by Rod Mosby - Short, Drama - 60 years after a life altering accident, a man attempts to get his old life back. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

Too the writer...

I dont recognize your name, so this will be brief.  Your formatting is off... way off.  Read screenwriting books, learn to properly format scripts.  Pay attention to the structure.  
This is a good example of how not to write a screenplay.  Read lots of scripts, then compare them to yours.

Maybe you've written scripts before but based on this, I don't think so.

Good Luck

Ghostwriter

If Rod Mosby is around - I suspect he's not - I'll give this story a review.

This shouldn't have a format "rating" of a smiley face with sunglasses, it's off format in every possible way - too many mistakes to even list. If Rod is around, I would be willing to go into detail.

~Pete

I only had time for a short today and I decided to read this one because there were two posts about your format right away. I tried to skip that part and try to focus on the story instead. Before, I do though, I have to agree with the others that your format is so way off it's not even funny. Please read at least one book on formatting for screenplays.

Anyway, the story itself is nothing new, but not terrible either. A woman is in a car accident. She's in a coma. She will die in two days unless something happens...and it does. Her husband is approached by a soul collector and offered a deal where his wife will survive if he gives his soul to the soul collector. He does.

Okay so that's fine, but like I said, it's nothing new either.

The biggest problem here is that I didn't really care too much what happened to these characters. You need to develop them a little bit more. Let us get to know them. That is actually possible in a short... I've written two 1 pagers that I think said a lot with very few words.

You also need to give us a bit of a description of each character. You introduce them by name and nothing else. This also adds to the disconnect between me the reader and the characters.

I didn't understand the coin thing.

Anyway, if you read this, my biggest suggestion to you is to read a book or two on screenwriting.

Good luck.  :)

Quoted from Don For Lack of a Soul by Rod Mosby - Short, Drama - 60 years after a life altering accident, a man attempts to get his old life back. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

I hate to disappoint, but I nearly took a complete pass on this short simply because of the logline.  It is not nearly as interesting as the one used in the script itself, and not nearly as descriptive.  Why would we be interested in someone who waits 60 years to get their life back?

I only looked further to see if it was redeemable, and got disappointed by the bizarre title page, in-script logline and cast of characters.