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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  A Wife for Frankenstein
Posted by: Don, January 31st, 2010, 5:16pm
Wife for Frankenstein, A by Byron Herrarte (HorrorFan09) - Horror, Drama, Romance - Baron Frankenstein brings a woman back to life, talks with his late wife and keeps monstrous secrets. 88 pages - pdf, format 8)



A Wife for Frankenstein by Byron Herrarte (HorrorFan09) - Horror, Drama, Romance - A woman was brought back tro life, reunites with sister, and discovers monstrous secrets about her new husband, Baron Frankenstein 68 pages - celtex format 8)

A Wife for Frankenstein by Byron Herrarte (HorrorFan09) - Horror, Drama, Romance - A woman was brought back from the dead, reunites with her sister, and discovers monstrous secrets about her husband, Baron Frankenstein. 82 pages - doc format 8)


Posted by: ghost and_ghostie gal, January 31st, 2010, 11:09pm; Reply: 1
Too the writer...

I don't recognize your name but I'm going to give you some very good advice.  This reads more like a novel.  IMO this is written like a novel.  Screenplay writing is an art form but it is only infrequently literature.

There may be occasional literate moments in a script, but a screenplay is really an assemblage of information, a manual written in the present tense for people who already know how to make a movie. A screenplay has a small but sophisticated reading audience. The camera person does not need to be told how to place the camera for a shot. The set decorator does not need to know the weave of the fabric on a piece of furniture. The director does not want to know the expression on the face of a turtle crossing the road.

The major difference between a screenplay and novel. In short: length. but more importantly style.  In a novel, the reader only sees what is described on the page. What makes for good novel writing -- lush narrative, detailed descriptions, inner monologues -- often makes for poor screenwriting, which is brief and evocative. It is not necessary to give a lot of description in a screenplay.

IMO as well -- good scripts tend to look deceptively simple on page. If you write a screenplay in which you describe the creamy feel of ice cream on a character's tongue, there's no way the viewer can know that fact. Films are made to be seen by an audience. The writer, new to screenwriting, has to get used to the idea that what is on the page does not compare well to a short story or novel.

Sure, there are beautifully written screenplays that are a pleasure to read and flow from the first page but "there is hope for us all," because, there are just as many badly written scripts that sell for millions of dollars, get made, and make millions more for the studio. It's not what's on the page, but what will appear on the screen, that counts. If it cannot be seen on the screen, it does not exist.

I'm not going to re-write this for you but if I was going to do the opening scene to this, it would probably go like this...

INT.  LAB - NIGHT

BARON FRANKENSTEIN (30s), sad eyes, handsome wearing a apron over a dark suit stands over...

A WOMAN in a gorgeous white dress lies on the table.   Lifeless.  Red hair with white streaks.  Stitches on her forehead and chest.

Just an example.

Most everything else you have in the first two action lines, if it's important to know that stuff, you could use a narrative (V.O.)  But based on the title most people know the actual stroy behind Frankenstein.  Either or, you need to show then tell.

Read scripts and read screenwriting books.  There's lots out there.  Free Screenwriting software, celtix website go there.  This should be in the features section and unfortunately, I doubt if too many people will read this.
But I took a look at it and gave you some valuable feedback with the help of "Carol Roper."  So, take it and run with it.

Good Luck

Ghostwriter
Posted by: bert, February 1st, 2010, 8:01am; Reply: 2

This should be in the features section...


The debate has never been resolved, really, at what point a short becomes a feature.

In case anyone is curious, I have been using 75 pages as my cut-off for a viable feature.

Overworked Don just posts them in the genre the author specifies -- but when I spot something shorter than 75 pages, I will often move it here to the Shorts.

I actually remember this one from the WIP boards -- and I strongly encouraged the author to please study a few scripts before posting this.

That advice was ignored -- which also influenced my decision to move this off the main Horror boards.
Posted by: ghost and_ghostie gal, February 1st, 2010, 12:11pm; Reply: 3

Quoted from bert


The debate has never been resolved, really, at what point a short becomes a feature.

In case anyone is curious, I have been using 75 pages as my cut-off for a viable feature.

Overworked Don just posts them in the genre the author specifies -- but when I spot something shorter than 75 pages, I will often move it here to the Shorts.

I actually remember this one from the WIP boards -- and I strongly encouraged the author to please study a few scripts before posting this.

That advice was ignored -- which also influenced my decision to move this off the main Horror boards.


Dually noted Bert.  Thanks.

Ghostwriter

Posted by: HorrorFan09 (Guest), February 17th, 2010, 11:36am; Reply: 4

Too the writer...

I don't recognize your name but I'm going to give you some very good advice.  This reads more like a novel.  IMO this is written like a novel.  Screenplay writing is an art form but it is only infrequently literature.

There may be occasional literate moments in a script, but a screenplay is really an assemblage of information, a manual written in the present tense for people who already know how to make a movie. A screenplay has a small but sophisticated reading audience. The camera person does not need to be told how to place the camera for a shot. The set decorator does not need to know the weave of the fabric on a piece of furniture. The director does not want to know the expression on the face of a turtle crossing the road.

The major difference between a screenplay and novel. In short: length. but more importantly style.  In a novel, the reader only sees what is described on the page. What makes for good novel writing -- lush narrative, detailed descriptions, inner monologues -- often makes for poor screenwriting, which is brief and evocative. It is not necessary to give a lot of description in a screenplay.

IMO as well -- good scripts tend to look deceptively simple on page. If you write a screenplay in which you describe the creamy feel of ice cream on a character's tongue, there's no way the viewer can know that fact. Films are made to be seen by an audience. The writer, new to screenwriting, has to get used to the idea that what is on the page does not compare well to a short story or novel.

Sure, there are beautifully written screenplays that are a pleasure to read and flow from the first page but "there is hope for us all," because, there are just as many badly written scripts that sell for millions of dollars, get made, and make millions more for the studio. It's not what's on the page, but what will appear on the screen, that counts. If it cannot be seen on the screen, it does not exist.

I'm not going to re-write this for you but if I was going to do the opening scene to this, it would probably go like this...

INT.  LAB - NIGHT

BARON FRANKENSTEIN (30s), sad eyes, handsome wearing a apron over a dark suit stands over...

A WOMAN in a gorgeous white dress lies on the table.   Lifeless.  Red hair with white streaks.  Stitches on her forehead and chest.

Just an example.

Most everything else you have in the first two action lines, if it's important to know that stuff, you could use a narrative (V.O.)  But based on the title most people know the actual stroy behind Frankenstein.  Either or, you need to show then tell.

Read scripts and read screenwriting books.  There's lots out there.  Free Screenwriting software, celtix website go there.  This should be in the features section and unfortunately, I doubt if too many people will read this.
But I took a look at it and gave you some valuable feedback with the help of "Carol Roper."  So, take it and run with it.

Good Luck

Ghostwriter


Thank you for your honesty. I actually got a screenwriting format on my netbook after I posted this script. I will fix this script.  
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