Feels Like Forever by TheProducer - Comedy, Drama - A couple married 820 years after being granted the gift of immortality, as long as they remain together, wonder if its time for a split.  - html, format 8)

Any feedback would be most appreciated.  I've published to this site before, awhile ago, and you have all been amazing in your critiques.  Any help (especially with tone) would be great.

Thanks!

Bill

Bill,

Welcome back!

The best way to get reads is to give reads.

PROBABLY PLOT SPOILERS

I think there's some excellent writing in this script, a lot of funny lines and something in the story kept my attention all the way through -- and I really like the ending; it seems valid to me.  

But you ask about the tone and I think that's an important point.

I think the tone is too flippant, especially in the beginning --  there's too much of a "joke's on them!" slant to most of the descriptions and directions in the script to make the reader want to invest much interest in Tim and Emily.

Somewhat related to tone -- the spelling of Butch's email address (it changes?), the historical fact checks that Babe does (they mean something?), the unpleasantness of W. Shakespeare? these things are distracting to the story.  Not ironic, just distracting.

Still, I like the story, I think you took a brave, nay, heroic course, writing the ending as you did.  For that, much thanks.