Clap Clap by Joe Ackroyd - Short - A remorseful convicted rapist discovers he has the ability to stop and start time whenever he pleases. He vows to use this power to help others and the best way to do that is to escape prison. But he soon discovers that the consequences of his actions are more complex than he first imagined.  31 pages - pdf, format 8)

Phil is sat.  Why not just phil sits?
Some showing not telling with him knowing that the prison will be his only view for a long time.
Dunno where or when this takes place, but modern prisons dont have a buncha keys on belts that open doors to let people out.  Everything will be controlled from outside in control rooms by guards watching through plexiglass and cc tv
Not exactly a fan of the media, but still find it hard to believe they would print a rape victims home address.
He randomly follows a cat..what?
kinda goes from joking about how awesome life is to talking about human nature a tad quickly.

Wow, weird piece.  Cant say I liked it.
What exactly are you trying to say with this?  The main character is less than sympathetic, the philosophy less than original, and the plot is just odd.
Lots of showing not telling, and awkwardly written bits.  Hmm, overall, not for me.

thanks for the feedback. i'm not a fan of films which force feed you their themes and ideas, i like to be able to think for myself and draw my own conclusions. although you didn't like it (and that's fair enough), i get the impression it has made you ponder... always a good thing in my opinion. personally, i think the dialogue is littered with clues as to what it does/could mean.  not sure what your nationality is but in the uk prison guards do have keychains and victims of crime often have their address printed within an article (especially in local papers). again, thanks for your thoughts, appreciate it.  

Once people understand and follow the standard format of screenplays, it becomes a matter of (1) word choice and/or (2) story. Ditto on jackx's comments above.

One line in particular bugged me:

"They soon start to PANT when they see
Max turn to them with the knife."

You could write: They're horrified when Max turns the knife on them.

Similar rule as "Don't direct," when it comes to writing is "Don't emote."

Lastly, I think the finale was meant to be read as horror--psychological terrifying; but it's too excessive, with the cats and the arms being chopped off. It's borderline dark comedy. I don't know if that's what you were going for. I get a sense that the whole thing was meant to be a serious venture.

So there it is. Solid effort though.

thanks truant.

"They Soon"

While I wouldn't ever use it -- It Is acceptable... Every writer has a style.  The thing is, most of the people who come to this site direct other users on how to write a screenplay when they, themselves, don't know how to properly write one.

You all give out advice like there is only one voice when writing a screenplay and that's not true.   It's almost like you want every screenplay to read like it was written by one guy/girl.  That isn't how it works.

Is the above screenplay well written?  Nope.  It sucks the Donkey, to be honestly.  But let these writers have their own voice when they write "Their" script.  

There is a set of rules we all must adhere to, yes.  It's like this --

- You have a circle
- You have crayons
- You can color inside that circle anyway you want as long as you stay inside the guidlines given to you

Bascially, learn the basics and stick to them because the rest is just adlibed.  And last but not least -- I wrote this on a cellphone so forgive the lack of structure and spelling.

You had this animal lover until he killed the cats.  Now why did you have to do that?  Just cutting off the guys' arms would have been enough.  And why did he cut off his own arm?  

I loved the idea of a remorseful criminal stealing from drug dealers.  But I was confused as to where this was happening.  Was it in England since it mentioned pound notes?  If so, are the arrested people there read their version of America's Miranda rights?

I always have to laugh when duct tape is used as gags.  Just open your mouth and lick your lips and they always come off.  And, yes, I did that a few times for a previous script.

thanks TheRichcraft.

yeah, this story is set in england (oldham is a small town near manchester in the north-west).

the reason he kills his cats is because they represent his darker side (their night hunting is similar to the horrific crime he went to jail for in the first place). by killing them, he feels he is killing his past.

he chops his own arm off so he can never stop time again and therefore never damage anyone's life again.

Now it makes more sense about his cutting off his arm.  I should have realized that.

But I'm still upset that you killed the cats.  Cutting the thugs' arms off would have been enough.