So, your logline is kind of weird. So I popped open the file to see just how long the scenes actually were -- as the script is 44 pages long.
Not sure that really looooong scenes is what Mr. Curtis is talking about.
Scrolling through the script, the first thing I noticed was long, descriptive paragraphs.
Screenplays need to be short and punchy -- lots of white space.
Then I paused to read one of these long paragraphs. Uh-oh.
Quoted from from the script No one is surprised. He's done this before. Every time he gets drunk he tries to get some girl he's never met before to screw him. Jo is not happy with this behavior and never has been. It is driving a wedge into their relationship. |
Now, this is really wrong here. For a short story or something, fine -- but for a screenplay, no. How is the person watching the film going to understand all this backstory?
Now, the most economical (but least creative) fix would be to have a character flat out say all of this stuff, thereby transmitting that information.
Or maybe a series of quick flashbacks, showing this guy dancing with lots of random girls in random locations?
Point is, it's got to be sound, spoken words, or images. Screenwriting does not let you put all that information on the written page. That is one of the things that makes it so darn tricky.
Your formatting looks good -- but you do not have the gist of screenwriting just yet.
Do a little more reading -- books about screenwriting, or better, screenplays -- and you will find that all those books impart the dreaded "show don't tell" golden rule in one form or another.
Some will tell you a tiny amount is alright -- for texture or whatever -- but not the big information dump you have here. And you have scads of these.
Best of luck on the rewrite.