It seems Dane Cook has taken a stab at screenwriting and posted a scene from his first screenplay on his website.  It can be found here:

http://www.danecook.com/storage/newTFopener.pdf

Thoughts?


EDIT:  At a first glance, I can already see the formatting (the asides) would drive Jeff nuts.

Huge unfilmables to begin. Again, seems that screenplays are becoming novels in Hollywood. I guess I'm out of trend.

Wow, sounds like he's doing stand up in a screenplay. I love how he tells us about his characters before he let's us judge for ourselves. Guess we're too stupid.

Read all 11. The ending? Now that perked my interest. Doesn't seem like a comedy. Could be good, skyscrapers of dialogue were very tough to read through.

He's got the dough... He can produce himself so it will probably be out there someday.

Good hanger at the end of this though...

Interesting read Dressel

James

Couldn't get past the second page.  Dane Cook is as talentless a screenwriter as he is a stand up comedian.


Phil

While one must constantly wrestle with the urge to dump on the work of those who are more successful than us -- I honestly think that if this were to be posted on the main boards, it would be considered pretty average.

The set-up is tired and cliche -- serving as a way too long build-up for a one-line payoff that isn't even that clever.

And one of my biggest pet peeves is also on display here -- 15 million cash in a single briefcase?  That is just ridiculous.  Do a little research already.

Interesting, but ultimately unimpressed.      

Quoted from bert While one must constantly wrestle with the urge to dump on the work of those who are more successful than us -- I honestly think that if this were to be posted on the main boards, it would be considered pretty average.

Being a successful stand up comic does not mean that he is successful or talented as a screenwriter. If this was the case, then my dentist would be a great screenwriter.

The introduction of the characters is poorly done. Lando's praise of himself makes my ass itch.  If anyone here wrote this script, my opinion wouldn't change.


Phil

Not a big fan of his stand-up and pretty much detest any film I've seen him in but this wasn't all bad. A bit cocky, long winded and self conscious but kudos to him for having a go at it.

He sure is pretty though!

I liked it.

Quoted from jwent6688 Huge unfilmables to begin. Again, seems that screenplays are becoming novels in Hollywood. I guess I'm out of trend. James

Yes, interesting. I've only been able to take a short glimpse on the thread, but I'd like to steal some time and read some of this script.

Regarding the "novels in Hollywood"... People know that I can bend towards novelesque and with a grin, but I must say, it's not without a respectful prayer. Though I may be brash and dive into waters much too deep, my care is for the experience, not to escape it-- to live it.

I have many techniques I'd like to try in the future, in a serious light, but that's after maybe another five years of study. My goals apart from writing a decent and comprehensible script, is to write "off the edge of reason", whereby the director "interprets" and plays on that.

As far as asides go, I'm trying to tame them in this version of Thief. They will be there, but we need space and can't afford it.

Problems are always contextual. What is good in here, is no good there.

It's a very fine line we walk.

Now to continue... With the program.  :)

Sandra