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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Drama Scripts / The Princess and the Harley
Posted by: Don, May 10th, 2010, 6:54pm
The Princess and the Harley by Rita Williams (vpowers) - Drama, Romance - The Princess and The Harley is a story about Monica, a high society novel writer. She is married and has a daughter in college. She finds herself in a mess when she was on her way to meet an interior decorator at her cabin in a remote area. Her car breaks down and a series of misfortunes leaves her stranded. Cash, riding by on his Harley, stops to help her. After declining a couple of times, Cash promises to take her to the nearest exit to call for help. She has no other choice. 104 pages - doc, format 8)
Posted by: personnumber123864, May 19th, 2010, 1:32pm; Reply: 1
yikes. got to page 2 and already felt like i was in an uphill battle trying to read this.
some suggestions, right off the bat:
1. save as a .pdf - you'll get more reads (at least you'll get more people to try).
2. omit camera angles from your action lines
3. don't need a colon after the character speaks
4. dialogue is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too on the nose. people don't talk like that.
on the upside, your logline is good. i was interested, anyway.
good luck with it.
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