Sensitive Information by Kevin Bowden (kabow) - Short - Two criminals have to break into a government agents house to steal sensitive information the agent is selling them to cover the agents tracks. 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

I couldn't really get into this one.  The whole story doesn't seem realistic.

Wouldn't Ben have cried for help at the lake?  And why leave the teenage girl alive as a potential witness?  It just didn't gel.

Kevin, I'll have to agree with Richcraft on this one. Not much of a story here and as he says unrealistic.   The whole premise of the story is okay at best but the story needs to be more developed. Some descriptions of Ben and Sam would be nice. Is there some reason for the murder other than just the obvious of blaming Ben. Sam could have gotten in and out and nobody would have known it was him anyway. And I have questions about the teenage girl as well. She is the one Sam should worry about but doesn't. Could be good with a little plot twist. Marvin.

Didn't get this at all. Even the logline was confusing. What story are you trying to tell exactly? You need to get your story straight first. You descriptions are a little over cooked:

SAM and EMPLOYEE sit in lawn chairs in the front lawn of a nice house. Do you really need to write lawn chairs? They are in a lawn . . . reads far too awkward. The segment of dialouge that follows is just far too expositional and unnatural. Stick to visuals that have a strong hook. This is very cheesy at present.