Madhatten by Maurice Vaughan - Sci Fi, Fantasy - A Manhattan scientist uses a cybernetic man he created to battle an invading alien race coming through a wormhole. 86 pages - rtf, format 8)

Starting out with promise. Nick and Jr are engaging to start with. Then Jr falls and we go to black.

By page 22 (I put my own page numbers on) I don't have anything. In a story like this, I need a hook besides gadgetry. I sense snippets of Fantastic Four, Ironman and Godzilla here. Yet am not going anywhere yet.

Now we have aliens forming and attacking. That's pretty cool.

When JR uppercuts the alien, the alien who is part of a bunch of invading aliens who are kicking our ass, and the pedestrian asks if JR is going to save us all, and Nick says no? What is up with that? You just lost me there.

This is getting all Japanese on me. If I recognize it as such, I'm okay. Otherwise I'm degrading into silliness.

Page 34 and Nick declines to save mankind. Doesn't make sense to me.

Like I said, started out with promise but ink and saline creatures didn't hold me especially if Nick is not stepping up to the plate. I did skip to the end and the final battle and I don't think I missed much. Yeah, Kate, Nick, and JR all saved the day, finally.

Some of the language leads me to believe English is not your first language.

As far as the writing goes, not bad. I think it's too cryptic. If you're too cryptic I'm going to wonder what or who you're talking about, and I did, far too often.

I think this would play to kids, though. They would get off on the sea creature enemies and gadgets.

Eighteen pages in and I'm bored with the hum drum.

I only read the first few pages because the dialogue sounded a bit too put on for me. Also, I think Junior is acting more like a 4 year old than an 8 year old. You've got lots of exclamation points, too.