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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  Love After Death
Posted by: Don, October 5th, 2010, 6:10pm
Love After Death by Leonard Stevenson - Short, Drama - Where hearts go on and on and on. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: rendevous, October 6th, 2010, 8:23am; Reply: 1
Seems a bit rough when no one reviews a script, so I'll have a go.

Not a bad title, though I've heard it before. Mind you, most of them have been used sometime somewhere.

You're not Neill Blomkamp in disguise, are you? Probably not.

Small point but it's probably better to show a clock or a watch rather than just state the time.

Just as anside I saw a gravestone the only day from 1923. It stated "Cruelly murdered". I've never seen that on a stone before.

Not a bad story, quite well written too. The time thing gets a bit repetitive in my humble. Otherwise, pretty good. Good luck.

RH xo
Posted by: chelsea, October 6th, 2010, 9:12am; Reply: 2
Hi Leonard.

So sorry but I got lost in the plot somewhere along the line. I think I understand the premise but formatting, typos, scene repetition and time issues didn't help.

People on this site, much more capable than me, will probably be more constructive, but for example, you don't have to number your scenes and as I've learned along the way you must always show, not tell.

My advice would be to read some of the scripts on SS  (there's some great ones)and you'll get the hang of it.

Good luck.

Martin.
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