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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Screenwriting Class  /  Wanna write "Hollywood" worthy scripts?
Posted by: Baltis. (Guest), November 20th, 2010, 7:13pm
Well do ya?

Don't listen to a thing this guy has to say...  I love how he opens it, though.  I've watched this video 10x's and laugh every time he says

"Your Hollywood worthy script" and then proceeds to Bind one of his own that he points out is "A few hundred pages".  But wait, there's more... As he flips through that script you can see it looks as if it was formated by his nephew, who happens to be an adopted Taiwanese pet gerbil relocated from the French Alps... Only, he grew up in Taiwan so we say he's Taiwanese.

Anyways, check out this guys stuff for a laugh but certainly not to use as standard.  In fact, I think the book "How NOT to write a screenplay" was an autobiographical look into this mans life.  I mean, the damn script is so thick he has to use spears to bind it together.  Then he doesn't put locks on them... Everyone knows you gotta put number 2 ACCO locks on them.  I thought, at one point and time, his script was so thick he was going to break out some bailing wire and bind it that way.  Damn goober.  

Posted by: cloroxmartini, November 20th, 2010, 7:20pm; Reply: 1
You have to take him seriously. I mean, anyone with four monitors knows what they're talking about.
Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), November 20th, 2010, 7:20pm; Reply: 2
This guy spent three minutes talking about printing on three-hole paper and using brads?  Seriously?

I want to see his other videos.


Phil
Posted by: greg, November 20th, 2010, 7:44pm; Reply: 3
Maybe my eyes are a little off, but did the format of his few hundred page screenplay look a little strange?
Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), November 20th, 2010, 7:51pm; Reply: 4
I just saw his video on character development.



It's very painful.


Phil
Posted by: Baltis. (Guest), November 20th, 2010, 8:00pm; Reply: 5
Yea, he's a sensational force to be reckoned with to be sure.  I love how he makes everything harder than it needs to be.  

1st his ridiculous binding of a 300 page script, to his "click" this tab to set up your character cue and dialogue.  Why click the tab at the top when you can just hit the tab button on your keyboard and jump right over to it?  Why kill your flow by mousing up to a tab, finding the cue and then clicking it?  Just silly.

His vids, all of them, are funny as hell.  Funny because he's so serious about teaching something he clearly has no grasp on or of authority to do so.  This guy is an endearing staple to be enjoyed by all.

P.S. I still love when he has to cut his binding video to get bigger brads. And then, even still, they were almost too short.  Classic.
Posted by: RayW, November 20th, 2010, 8:07pm; Reply: 6
P.S. I still love when he has to cut his binding video to get bigger brads. And then, even still, they were almost too short.  Classic.

I guessing a "use your pants belt" remark wouldn't be PC, eh?
Posted by: JonathanS, November 21st, 2010, 12:41pm; Reply: 7
ExpertVilliage is full of hacks but there is one guy who seems quite knowledgeable (and he has a very pleasant voice). I wish they would pool all of these 2-3 minute clips into one long video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwAt-xM0eRE&feature=channel
Posted by: Breanne Mattson, November 21st, 2010, 1:23pm; Reply: 8
This is typical for one of Expert Village’s “experts.”

No one’s mentioned yet that he gave incorrect instructions for the cover page. You’re not supposed to put the title on the cardstock cover. You’re supposed to have a cover sheet on regular paper and both cardstock covers should be blank. It’s pointless to put the title on the cardstock cover because your script is just going to go into a pile. Someone will write your title on the spine.


Breanne
Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), November 21st, 2010, 2:48pm; Reply: 9

Quoted from JonathanS
ExpertVilliage is full of hacks but there is one guy who seems quite knowledgeable (and he has a very pleasant voice). I wish they would pool all of these 2-3 minute clips into one long video...


Each of these 2-3 minute clips seems like one long video.


Phil
Posted by: fionaman, November 22nd, 2010, 12:49am; Reply: 10
Reminds of that downright blasphemous "How to Write a Screenplay" series done by none other than SAM MRAOVICH, the guy who wrote and directed this atrocity.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0364986/

Enjoy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_I_OQ0KNw7M
Posted by: Baltis. (Guest), November 23rd, 2010, 4:05pm; Reply: 11
How to "REALLY" bind that "HOLLYWOOD" worthy script...  (re-edit update with a bit better quality after normalization and sharpening...)

Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), November 23rd, 2010, 4:26pm; Reply: 12
Classic!

Balt, I'm surprised you didn't use half inch thick wood boards for your covers.  You could identify it as 4000 pound test paper.


Phil
Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), November 23rd, 2010, 5:13pm; Reply: 13
I can wait for the six hour chapter on creating the title page (the director's cut).

It
will
be
EPIC!


Phil
Posted by: greg, November 23rd, 2010, 5:19pm; Reply: 14
HAHAHAHAHA

That was awesome.  
Posted by: Baltis. (Guest), November 23rd, 2010, 7:29pm; Reply: 15
Sadly I wished the video and quality were better, but I recently got a new computer and haven't found the time to re-install everything -- My video editing software is one of them.  Thus I used the shoddy pseye instead of my HD-life cam and the Ps3's editing software it comes with (Eyecreate), which is Horrible.

I hope you all found it as ridiculous as I did though.  If I ever do another vid the cam will be wider angled and in HD.  I did a documentary on "Coffin Canyon", which came out really good using Life-cam and I'm very proud of it.  I had PDF screen captures of the different drafts, art work and illustrations I had done for it and an animation reel I did using Toonboom for the opening credits.  I should upload that to Youtube, maybe it'll get some interest going again.
Posted by: Ryan1, November 26th, 2010, 8:21pm; Reply: 16
Poor Tony.  Still using the old three hole puncher.  Dude is old school.  Is "Binding" really chapter 2 of "How to Write a Screenplay?"  Chapter 1 must be epic.  Couldn't help but notice he forgot to capitalize "Latin" in the first sentence of that script of his.  But, he is on camera, so he must be good.

  
Posted by: greg, November 26th, 2010, 9:01pm; Reply: 17

Quoted from Ryan1
Is "Binding" really chapter 2 of "How to Write a Screenplay?"  


I was thinking the same thing.  Wouldn't binding be the last chapter?
Posted by: Craiger6, November 26th, 2010, 10:42pm; Reply: 18
Oh man, this is good stuff.  

Can't wait until more unproduced screenwriters come up with more ways to dick on other unproduced screenwriters.  Seems incredibly productive, if not very original, or funny.  

Give the dude a break.  Just my two cents.

Craig
Posted by: Baltis. (Guest), November 26th, 2010, 11:09pm; Reply: 19

Quoted from Craiger6
Oh man, this is good stuff.  

Can't wait until more unproduced screenwriters come up with more ways to dick on other unproduced screenwriters.  Seems incredibly productive, if not very original, or funny.  

Give the dude a break.  Just my two cents.

Craig


Your two cents isn't worth much.  I've sold scripts, have one flick in limbo and another one will go into production next year -- A film called "Dog Pound".  And, to top this all off, I don't write for a living; I'm a musician.

So what've you done again, Craig?  Looks like you've written a handful of scripts that don't equal a feature length one to me.  Maybe you have too much estrogen being absorbed in your tampons this month, I'm not sure?  And, to further my point, the dude's wrong... On every count.  ALL OF IT.  How the hell is he going to teach someone who doesn't know how to "bind" and "format" a screenplay how to do so when he doesn't even know?  Would you pay that man 500 bucks to look your script over?  Would you use him as a useful tool to further your craft as a screenwriter?  If so you're just as lost and clueless as he is.  But by all means, keep binding your scripts and writing them the way you're being told to do so by people who don't know jack shit about it.  

P.S. I am sorry for my outward outburst here, but it just gets to me when people clearly see how wrong and ill-informed someone is -- Someone who's teaching, suppose to be, an art form or craft such as screenwriting.  It's like someone coming to me and asking me to teach them how to play guitar and I tell them a C chord is fingered like

O
O
O

instead of

O
  O
     O

& so forth and so on.  He/She will then go on about life, until someone tells them differently, thinking that I taught them right and they're on the right path to success.  

And if you say "well, don't use his advice"  -- Well,  that don't work, either.  Because while I may know better, there is a good chance the guy/gal behind me doesn't.  Tony, people like him, are the reasons why the industry is becoming more strict on their submissions and rules.  Because too many amateur  idiots get bad advice and send an influx of junk to them on an hourly basis.  They got sick of weeding through the mess and chaos they shut everyone but a select few out.
Posted by: Ryan1, November 27th, 2010, 2:17am; Reply: 20
Yeah, Craig, I understand your point.  But, when someone puts himself on youtube under the title of "Expert Village," you kind of open yourself up to some jabs.  If it was great advice, no one would have said anything.  But, go check out his lesson on story structure, where he says how your script should have a beginning, a middle and an end.  It's gold.
Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), November 27th, 2010, 3:54pm; Reply: 21
The big problem with the Expert Village tutorials is that they don't teach you jack-shit about screenwriting; they teach you how to use the screenwriting software... and they don't do a good job at that.  The video on character development is the best example of that.

Tony Ramirez is not a screenwriter.  The closest he will get to being one is designing this software.


Phil
Posted by: Craiger6, November 27th, 2010, 4:13pm; Reply: 22

Quoted from Baltis.


Your two cents isn't worth much.  I've sold scripts, have one flick in limbo and another one will go into production next year -- A film called "Dog Pound".  And, to top this all off, I don't write for a living; I'm a musician.

So what've you done again, Craig?  Looks like you've written a handful of scripts that don't equal a feature length one to me.  Maybe you have too much estrogen being absorbed in your tampons this month, I'm not sure?  And, to further my point, the dude's wrong... On every count.  ALL OF IT.  How the hell is he going to teach someone who doesn't know how to "bind" and "format" a screenplay how to do so when he doesn't even know?  Would you pay that man 500 bucks to look your script over?  Would you use him as a useful tool to further your craft as a screenwriter?  If so you're just as lost and clueless as he is.  But by all means, keep binding your scripts and writing them the way you're being told to do so by people who don't know jack shit about it.  

P.S. I am sorry for my outward outburst here, but it just gets to me when people clearly see how wrong and ill-informed someone is -- Someone who's teaching, suppose to be, an art form or craft such as screenwriting.  It's like someone coming to me and asking me to teach them how to play guitar and I tell them a C chord is fingered like

O
O
O

instead of

O
  O
     O

& so forth and so on.  He/She will then go on about life, until someone tells them differently, thinking that I taught them right and they're on the right path to success.  

And if you say "well, don't use his advice"  -- Well,  that don't work, either.  Because while I may know better, there is a good chance the guy/gal behind me doesn't.  Tony, people like him, are the reasons why the industry is becoming more strict on their submissions and rules.  Because too many amateur  idiots get bad advice and send an influx of junk to them on an hourly basis.  They got sick of weeding through the mess and chaos they shut everyone but a select few out.


“Your two cents isn't worth much.  I've sold scripts, have one flick in limbo and another one will go into production next year -- A film called "Dog Pound".  And, to top this all off, I don't write for a living; I'm a musician.”

All right, well, I’m not going to get into a dick swinging contest with anyone here.  If as you say, you’ve sold stuff and have something going into production then, congratulations.

As you’ve pointed out, I’ve not yet written any features.  Just a few shorts.  Thankfully, my self worth isn’t tied to how many pages I’m able to write.  Meager though my collection of shorts may be, I happen to be very proud of them and feel like I’ve come a long way in the year that I’ve been doing this (I also have a day job, though I’m sure it’s not nearly as exciting as the life of a musician).  In short, I have nothing to be ashamed of and I would disagree with you that my two cents “isn’t worth much” simply because I’ve not been able to finish a feature.  Besides I WILL finish a feature at some point.  I’ve no doubt of that.  

“Maybe you have too much estrogen being absorbed in your tampons this month, I'm not sure? “

Sigh.

Now as far as this dude on expert village or whatever, I have no idea if he is wrong or not about the proper way to bind a script (as you’ve already pointed out, I don’t yet have the need for this knowledge as I’ve only written shorts).  But, when that joyous day comes when I actually do finish a feature, you know what I’ll do?  I’ll consult with a number of different sources to find the proper way to bind a script.  Some of these sources I will accept as accurate while others I will just ignore and go on with my life.
Now, this guy is putting himself out as an “expert” and so he is fair game for ridicule.  I guess my point is simply that you started this thread seven days ago.  Everyone had a good laugh at this dude’s expense and yet you don’t seem to want to let it go.  It just seems to me like you are beating a dead horse.  To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, your youtube video doesn’t offend me as a screenwriter (sorry, screenwriter of unproduced shorts), but it does offend me as someone who enjoys a good joke now and again and knows when to stop.

O
O
O

instead of

O
  O
     O


I have no idea what this is supposed to mean or signify.  However, continuing on from my previous point, if I did care (even in the least, which I must admit, I don’t), then I would make every effort to find out what it meant by consulting a number of different sources, some of which I would invariably disregard.

“And if you say "well, don't use his advice"  -- Well,  that don't work, either.  Because while I may know better, there is a good chance the guy/gal behind me doesn't.  Tony, people like him, are the reasons why the industry is becoming more strict on their submissions and rules.”

Oh, so it’s all a humanitarian effort.  You’re doing it all for the people.  Fair enough, why didn’t you just say so from the get go.  

As far as I’m concerned anyone who doesn’t do their research or attempt to find the proper way of doing things gets what they deserve.  But, I’m sure they will be comforted in knowing that you are scouring the internets in an effort to expose any and all would be screenwriting gurus.

Anyway, I’m done with this.  Good luck.
Posted by: jwent6688, November 27th, 2010, 4:22pm; Reply: 23
2000 pages??? Loved it Balt.

Not gonna get into the quarrel here. Just gonna say I laughed out loud.

Funny stuff...

James
Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), November 27th, 2010, 4:35pm; Reply: 24

Quoted from Baltis.
Maybe you have too much estrogen being absorbed in your tampons this month, I'm not sure?


Oh, that Balt!


Phil

Posted by: Baltis. (Guest), November 27th, 2010, 6:07pm; Reply: 25
Yeah, Craig ummm, Meanwhile back at ranch reality -- That's where I live, by the way.  I wish you luck in your future endeavorer(s), and if being a screenwriter has taught me anything... Nothing is safe from parody.  Not even yourself.  And my O diagram is finger placement on a fretboard -- Though, given your track record of defending idiots I bet I could've gotten away with telling you they were elliptical gyro-graphs from Pluto that spell out the end of days and you'd have believed it.

But for the rest of anyone wanting to know about books and screenwriting and all that, I got a new vid up.  I threw my voice the other night singing, so bare with me.  And aside from the ribbing, the video is actually pretty informative.

::)



Posted by: ReaperCreeper, November 27th, 2010, 7:39pm; Reply: 26
Dude, seriously, that was perfect until you started laughing towards the end. I highly doubt I could have held it in as long as you did myself, though.

--Julio
Posted by: Baltis. (Guest), November 29th, 2010, 1:36am; Reply: 27
I was trying my best to not laugh, but I had that dude on my little HP mini on mute and if you look you'll see me glance to the left and see him holding that movie magic box and that script -- I couldn't handle it.

That, and when I saw how absurd that stack of scripts -- Which was my complete collection of work, by the way -- all bundled together by tape; it just made me chuckle a bit

Now the 2nd vid -- That was just a dick off session.  The little outtakes at the end and the fast cut/edits were intentional.  I had thrown my voice the night before singing a cover of "Enjoy The Silence" we do --> But  I do think that vid has some good info about books and screenwriters though.  But alas, I am going to be making a 5 part vid series about what "I" know of screenwriting and using Coffin Canyon as an example.

To get my point across a little better as it has been critiqued by 2 pro's and I feel it has the general make up and quality to teach others how to write a script you won't be embarrassed about sending out.
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