+ - by Mohammed Hassan - Short, Drama - Man wakes up alone in a room with no doors or windows. His only tool is a machine. His only friend is a rat. What will he make of it? 26 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Mohammed,

Intersting title you have here, and ultimately the reason I gave this one a look.  Unfortunately, I think you might find a hard time getting many reads based on your formatting.  I read the first page, and while the writing is adequate IMO, it's also very dense.  I scanned through the rest of the script and noticed that it was more of the same.  Unfortunately, it's going to be hard to get many reads as it's currently formatted though you may very well have an interesting story to tell.

I realize that your story involves a man in isolation whose only companion is a rat, so I'm not sure how you can get around this problem.  My initial inclination is to suggest a little less detail and breaking the action sequences up into blocks of no more than 4 or 5 line at most.

Anyway, hope this helps.  Best of luck.

Craig

This definitly needs to format re-work, like craiger6 said about breaking this up. Pretty difficult read for a script.

yeah, this looks too much like a short story sandwiched into a screenplay layout in order to call it a script.  Even the writing is novelistic.

The other note I'd give is that the script probably needs a voice over narration, even if it's the main character's thoughts as he's going through the ordeal.  We just need something going on to break up the tedious blocks of action and description, a voice we can latch onto as part of the guy's character.