The Ozark by Chase Smell - Short, Gritty Drama - Filled with many sudden plot twists, suspenseful and heartpounding scenes, this anti-drug short film script portrays the affects of Meth on the addict and his/her family.  5 pages - rtf, format 8)

Quoted Text Short, Gritty Drama - Filled with many sudden plot twists, suspenseful and heartpounding scenes, this anti-drug short film script portrays the affects of Meth on the addict and his/her family.

Your logline is a lie, with the exception that this is a short.  There were no plot twists.  There was no suspenseful or heartpounding scenes.  And the portrayal of the effects of meth on the family is ridiculous.  Why did you capitalize 'meth?'

This is an extremely badly-written anti-drug PSA.  It feels as if it was written by someone who knows nothing about drugs or its affects on the family but, rather, by someone who was told horror stories about drugs in Sunday school by someone who knows nothing about drugs.

The story was so far over the top that I couldn't see the top.  The dialog was way beyond over the top and forced.  The characters need a couple more dimensions to be two-dimensional.  And your writing seems like you wrote this in a foreign language and you ran it through Babel-fish.

Why am I being so mean?  Because you wrote such a misguided and unrealistic morality tale about the dangers of drugs.  I don't know who you're trying to educate/warn, here, but you won't.


Phil

reefer madness 2.

Okay, one bit of praise is possible for this script: there are a few good turns of phrase in it, dotted throughout the text (things like, "the old man's still got fight left in him", etc.)  So there's some talent there, that could be conceivably polished and honed.

But yeah - the rest is just a literary flashback to reefer madness.  

Write about stuff you know, man!  Not cartoon versions of bad cop shows...

Okay chase.

Gave this a read because I thought Phil had been a bit harsh. But, he is as per normal, right on the money.

We've all been here so take it on the chin, read some scripts on this site and LEARN.

Believe me the guys on S.S. will improve you beyond recognition, if you're prepared to listen.

Good luck.

Martin.

Also you're preventing other interested critics from reading your wonderful work by not saving in PDF.  

Yeah, Phil was harsh here and, I think, unnecessarily so. Let's assume that Chase is less than forty, so may not have come across 'Reefer Madness' (ahhh... it's possible, you see). And let's say that 'cos he springs a couple of surprises, he sees them as plot twist, which impress him - he's being accurate to his level of knowledge and skills. Misguided is good - let's leave it at that.
As for the script... and in context:
I liked the opening scene - he goes straight for a bit of action and intruige. I also felt that some of the dialogue wasn't too bad - in comparison to the action scenes, the dialogue was the stronger of the two. The writer also tried to create a dramatic edge: could have been done better, but he appears to have some idea of what is required. This isn't completely clueless.
So stuff for the writer to think about:
Format properly - check other scripts to see how it's done.
Use Celtix - it's free: http://celtx.com/
Work on the dialogue.
Try not to direct too much - leave something for the director to do.
Best of luck to you.
Simon

Am I the only one who likes watching Reefer Madness high?

Anyway this script is a joke. Look, I'm not gonna say meth isn't a socially and economically debilitating drug, but I am going to say that this writer has never been around it. The dialog is horrible, the characters mere shells more used for telling this inane morality tale.  Never write for morals  You'll always come up stilted. Characters first. A script should be organic in it's element. This felt like you're bashing us over the head with a crack pipe.

Technically, you have a vague idea of format, but it's off. Like SiColl007 suggested download celtx, or any other screen writing program.

Biggest thing, you can't describe things that can't be shown. If it can't be seen on screen, it shouldn't go in the script. A script is a blueprint.

My suggestion, scrap this. You don't know drug culture and come off as severely naive. Work on learning the correct format and then write something more to what you know.

Chase hasn't popped in and commented on this thread in the two weeks that it has been up.  I don't think he will.  We should stop reading and commenting on this script.


Phil

After reading dogglebe's initial comments I had to read.  His (and everyone else's) comments are spot on.  

I think one of the biggest issues I have are the action lines that describe what the character is thinking.  You should be able to show their feeling and emotion through action, not tell it.  

My suggestion is to read, read, read.   Go to a book store and get a book or two on script writing.  I picked up 'Screenplay - Writing the Picture' by Russin/Downs. Not only does it teach proper technique, proper formatting and how to develop your story and characters, but the authors even go so far as to make you ask yourself questions about why you are writing what you are writing.   It has been very helpful. to me.  Highly recommended.

Also, read other scripts posted on here and be sure to read the comments.  The people on this site really know what they are talking about.

One other thing that I have found to be helpful is to read the scripts for movies that you have actually seen and like.  I've read a few and it has really helped me.  After all, these writer have made it to the big leagues so they must know what they are doing.

That said, I have a feeling that dogglebe's final comment is also correct and I am just talking to myself.