Paroxysm by Alex Hajna - Short, Drama - Nathan has decided he's had enough with the bullies who have picked on him his whole life. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

Alex. I'm thinking this is your first script attempt.
You really need to pick up some books on screenwriting. And I would start with
"How not to write a screenplay" then move on to "Save the Cat" and anything by Sid Fields or even "The Screenwriters Bible, just to mention a few.
A screenplay is written in present tense throughout, with very little, if any, direction or camera angles.
   EXT. STREET - NIGHTTIME
EXTREME CLOSEUP of AARON'S bloodied up face. He's
whimpering and moaning.
WAYNE is standing over Aaron, breathing heavily. RYAN
stands next to him. They both hold wooden bats.

  EXT. STREET - NIGHT
No EXTREME CLOSEUPS (Camera Angle)

Aaron lies on the ground. His face bloodied. He whimpers and moans.
WAYNE and RYAN stand over him. They both hold bloody BASEBALL BATS.

Go through the script page by page.
Check for and fix all action blocks and dialog to Present Tense or Happening Right Now.

The idea here is to get feedback from other writers, but with mistakes like these on the first and second pages, and then throughout the script made it hard for me to read.
My review will follow later in PM.

Don

Accepting the above (the formatting does need some work) the story is pretty good. The main issue with it is the lack of premise. It comes across rather like a good ending to one-off drama... but without the beginning. The two key areas that are missing is 1. Why did the guys beat Aaron up? Did he just kill their kid sister? Being bullied all their lives is okay, but why should the bullies go from giving him a regular beating to suddenly killing him? And 2. The nature of the relationship between Aaron and Nathan. There is a suggestion that Aaron might be gay (and therefore so might Nathan) but I think it needs a little more than the vaguest of references that it has been given here.