Missing School by Khamanna Iskandarova - Short - Influenced by a powerful drawing, a boy makes an important decision. His brother helps too. 5 pages - pdf, format 8)

Khamanna,

Dread. First to review your script, again. ;)

MISSING SCHOOL

A handicapped boy writes an essay that clarifies his desire to go to school * Touching story with a light hearted tone * Home schooling seems to be a theme with you * Michael did not come across as having a handicapped, too happy * great description of the picture having multiple meanings * was Roger meant to be the star of this script? * the ending was a touch too cute with the teacher there but I liked it anyhow *

Gary

This is the second script I've read in the past few days that involves a home-schooled boy.  Is this a new trend?

This reads like the opening of a larger piece, Khamanna.  I could see a story on a handicapped/disabled/challenged kid who, at the age of thirteen, going to school and experiences being a kid for the first time.  You've already set up a good bit of it with the main character and three supporting characters.

Michael's character seemed very natural, as was his mother's.  Roger, OTOH, rubbed me the wrong way.  He read like a cliche character from a John Hughes movie.

I think you should expand this, perhaps a feature script of Michael discovering the new world outside his door.


Phil

You're again the first two to read my short - thanks!

It's all about the picture and the word "missing". All three, mother, Roger and Michael interpret the picture differently - mother thinks "it's Sunday and the boy has nothing to do..." Roger "the boy skipped school" and Michael "school is a luxury he can't afford / it's a want when he has to fulfill the needs" - it's all about that.

Yeah, Gary, Roger is somehow dominant in the script... Don't know if it's too bad.

Reads more like a light-hearted skit and for this reason may seem incomplete - I think Phil, you'll not be the only one to say that.  Thanks for thinking the characters are good enough for the feature (even if Roger won't do:))

Thanks!

Khamanna...

Cute stories I don't do them, maybe because I can't write them, but you seem to have a knack for it... so good on you.   For five pages, the story was simple and easy to understand.  I enjoyed the inter-action between Michael and Roger.  I thought the connection was strong.  Like it should be, but that's JMHO.  

I try not to read too much into anything.  Shorts are what they are, the start of a bigger picture, but you painted a nice one with this.  You write very well.

Just a few thoughts for what it's worth.

Good Luck

Ghostie

Thank you, Ghostie. I'm glad you enjoyed the short. This one is too light-hearted and almost a skit so perhaps it's not for everyone, and you did like it...:)

Hey Khamanna,

I wonder if this was an off shoot of your last script or vice versa.
I like the brotherly interactions, but Roger and mom felt contrived to me.
The interpretations of the picture, give insight to each character. Good job.
I'll be the first to say, I didn't get the ending.
Michael's reveal confused me, I don't see how it was part of the story.
Was there some trickery going on or some kind of extraordinary event?
Your pages read fine and I'd like to see where you take this script.

Keep writing and rewriting!

Regards,
E.D.

Hey E.D.,
Thanks for the read. No, it's not an offshoot of the other one, stands on its own.
It's interesting to see that Michael's interpretation of the picture is confusing to you. Maybe it is... Let's see.
Thanks

Quoted from khamanna Hey E.D., Thanks for the read. No, it's not an offshoot of the other one, stands on its own. It's interesting to see that Michael's interpretation of the picture is confusing to you. Maybe it is... Let's see. Thanks

Khamanna,

Sorry, but I didn't type that out very clearly.
I meant the ending, his interpretation out the drawing made very good sense.
But I was confused about the reveal with the wheelchair in the end.

E.D.

Oh, thanks for coming back to it. Now I'm confused:) - you didn't know Michael was paraplegic, right? I have the wheelchair standing in the corner, next to Michael at the beginning of the first scene. And then on p4 "Roger unfolds the wheelchair, helps Michael to it. He rolls Michael out of the room. Incredibly patient." But I don't know if that's your question.

Quoted from khamanna Oh, thanks for coming back to it. Now I'm confused:) - you didn't know Michael was paraplegic, right? I have the wheelchair standing in the corner, next to Michael at the beginning of the first scene. And then on p4 "Roger unfolds the wheelchair, helps Michael to it. He rolls Michael out of the room. Incredibly patient." But I don't know if that's your question.

Khamanna,

Perhaps I misread the end. Michael got himself into the wheelchair.
However, earlier Michael needed help.
In my early morning haze, it read like he gained some ability to do it himself.
In my mind, it almost read like a special ability happened.
I guess I still had the other Homeschooled Boy in my mind, my bad. :P

E.D.

Now I see! Yeah, it's very possible to take it the wrong way actually. I'll think about it, thanks.

Hi all,

A student wanted this one, asked for a rewrite. I agreed, rewrote it for him etc. The only thing I asked for is to see it when it's done. He didn't sent me the link, didn't even tell me it got made. I googled and saw they already had a showing event  for this one and few other shorts in May.

Not a big deal, but I'm thinking - if I rewrote it and all shouldn't the filmmaker have a courtesy to upload it somewhere and let the writer watch it? I probably sound pathetic.

I emailed to him and there's no response.  
Apologies for the rant but I just had to talk about it. :)

Haven't read this short, Khamanna, but yes!  That is so rude of the filmmaker!

If you rewrote the short for his benefit, then he should have had the courtesy to give you a link to the finished product, or even a hard copy!

You don't sound pathetic.  Everything you're saying is true!  

-- Curt

Khamanna,
I liked this.  I'm a sucker for happy endings, especially when it's a realization someone comes to when they know they've had enough.  That it's time to move on.  
Also, the boy with the boat is roughly Michael's age, thin, looks weathered.  Sounds like the kid in the picture is having a rough go of it.  But he has yet to put his boat in the water.
Kinda describes Michael pretty much, no?  
Glad Michael decided to put his boat in the water.
Regards,
Steve

Steven,
Thanks for the read! I'm glad you liked it.

I have a rewrite, just don't want to trouble Don with it. It's an old script....

Curt,
Eh, I'm still bitter)) Thanks for your support.

P.S. I don't feel good about bumping the thread - that was not the reason for the post the other day. I guess, it's okay :)

New post from me (not to revive the thread): Sept 7th, 2013:
I received an email from the filmmaker. He's a very nice guy. He says he's still working on the film, needs to add score and something else and that he missed my email.

He promised to forward me the link when the movie is good to go - when it's good enough for the festivals. I feel bad - jumping to conclusions like this and all... Anyway, I'm a bit ashamed of myself, but happy that there are good people out there.