Remember the Lighthouse by Joe Waniewski - Short - {no logline} 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

The format is all wrong but this was touching and I thought that your dialog was very good. A bit formal towards the end for me but still very good.

Yeah - I found this quite touching - like khamanna, I thought the dialogue was actually quite good. Have you tried Celtix? - scriptwriting programme - it was sort out a lot of your formatting errors.

This was a nice story.  The formatting was off a little, but it was still an easy enough read.  You should leave little things, like camera angles, out of the script.

Your dialog was a little forced and artificial at times.

Quoted Text           HOMELESS MAN I guess you could say that. A long time ago, when I was about your age I think, I used to take trips to the ocean with my father.

could be better written as:

Quoted Text           HOMELESS MAN I used to take trips to the ocean with my father, when I was your age.

When you have two people casually talking, keep it short and simple.

Hope this helps.


Phil

Hi Joe,

I liked it. I have to agree with the above comments about the formatting. Camera shots and direction should be left out. I use Final Draft for formatting. Nice story line.

Peter