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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Screenwriting Class  /  Aghhh!  How do you scream?
Posted by: dkfrizzell, April 13th, 2011, 5:53pm
I have an older man, mid 50's, who has just felt the agonizing pain of a set of 6" claws digging into his shoulder and being dragged away. How do you think his cry of agony would look written out?

       OLD MAN
AGHHHHHHHH!!!

or maybe


     OLD MAN
AUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!


or perhaps:


     OLD MAN
Ow!  You bit me! That freakin' hurts!


I can't quite spell what it is I am hearing in my head.  Thanks!
Posted by: leitskev, April 13th, 2011, 5:56pm; Reply: 1
Can't you just say in an action line, The old man SCREAMS in agony! ?
Posted by: Ledbetter (Guest), April 13th, 2011, 6:13pm; Reply: 2
LLLLLAAAAAAAGGGGGGUUUUUEEEEEE

Hope I didn't mispell it.

Shawn.....><
Posted by: greg, April 13th, 2011, 6:16pm; Reply: 3
AHHHHHHHH!
Posted by: leitskev, April 13th, 2011, 6:19pm; Reply: 4
You have an extra H Greg.
Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), April 13th, 2011, 6:33pm; Reply: 5
Kevin is right.  Go with this.

Phil
Posted by: Dressel, April 13th, 2011, 6:37pm; Reply: 6
Posted by: Sandra Elstree., April 13th, 2011, 10:11pm; Reply: 7
This is what has become of me!  :K)

INT. DINING ROOM

The table set elegant, but the meal is over. White cloth, dirty napkins, half-full wine goblets as bloody as the juicy remnants of the uneaten chunks of rare steak and

The Killer's favorite dessert. CHERRY JELLO.

The Killer's mean hand swipes at the elegantly set table. A gracious flying of goods, even pretty, if you feel the passion. A cyclone of a goddamn good meal, hits the wall.

In two moves: A lift of the steak knife, an unseen carve.

Third move: A wipe of the bloody blade on the white tablecloth.

And then there's the man at the other end of the blade, hidden.

The VICTIM only BREATHES, scared to make a sound.

He's found. Lying in a puddle of wine and jello, fallen with the rosewood china.

The Killer takes the fresh blade and slowly. With grace, slides it artistically
upon the victim's skin. First, his arm, then his throat, then, underneath his
watery blue eyes.

The blade moves. Here, there, musically, emotionally, passionate, it ends its
dance at the point of his abdomen, where it presses, little gentle presses.

Death Crier
Jesus Christ Almighty!!! God forsaken in Hell be dammed! Eat my dust you c- sker!!! 'cause I aint a wimp!!! Ahhhh! ... ...

Death Crier chokes a last couple caps
of air.

The blade in true form, stabs healthy violent wounds. Fresh volcanic blood gives its life.

Death Crier
Ap! Up-ap. ...

...But I'm mortal... what can I say....

The Killer chews on the gravel of his broken teeth.
He spits them out on the Death Crier.

The Death Crier sucks in the the teeth sand. His vehemence
swells in the SOUND, grand low vibrations.

EXT. OTHER-WORLD

A GIANT plays the iron grates.

INT. DINING ROOM

The table shifts twenty degrees. The Killer cringes. The table turns, literally to complete three sixty, then flips. UPSIDE DOWN!

Death Crier
So are you asshole!

Death Crier smiles. He dies, exhaling peace together with blood.

INT./EXT. HEAVEN

A BEAUTIFUL LADY gives him... (black).

EXT. DINING ROOM

Again, the blade wipes the white tablecloth.

A LONG HAIRED WHITE CAT jumps upon the table. It plays
with a CHARM on a bottle of undisturbed wine.

The sight rattles the killer. He shakes, freezing.

EXT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT

A MAN breathes fog in coldness as winter's chill.

INT. DINING ROOM

Warm golden glow. Safe inside here. You'd think--

Killer
This isn't right. I'm supposed to feel good.

He falls...

Killer
Jesus Christ Almighty!!!God forsaken in Hell be damned!!!

Killer's pain intensifies.

S.R. Shadow Man
It won't work for you, Man.
You never believed!!! Moo-ha-ha-ha!

***

Point is:

Don't worry 'bout the scream.  :)

Sandra
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