Parks and Recreation "Pawnee Parade" by Stefan Gibson - Series, Comedy, Spec - After Chris tells Leslie Pawnee can't afford a Parade, Leslie becomes determined to find a way. 29 pages - pdf, format 8)

I thought you did a very good job of capturing some of the characters here, especially with Andy and Ron.

Specifically, Andy asking Ben "which one?" at the end of the cold open, and Andy's response to the Ferris Beuller parade. I thought those were both perfect and I could definitely picture both of those in a show.

The whole joke of Ron showing emotion was very funny. I also enjoyed the Ron talking head about the magic scroll. I liked the story line with him and the cigar smokers group but I can't say I was a big fan of the scene in his office with the selection committee. Something about it just didn't work for me but I just can't pinpoint what exactly. Sorry I can't be more elaborate there.

One main issue I have is with Jerry's role. Off the top of my head, I can't think of any episodes where he plays as big a part in the show as he does here. I may be wrong on that but I just can't remember him having so many lines. I think you need more Tom, less Jerry.

Another thing is the Spider Man float bit. I thought it was funny, but it sounded more like something Tom would say rather than Jerry.

The only other thing I can think of is the length. I think you might need to add another 5-10 pages here.

Good job.