Little Lizowskis Pilot Episode by  Darryl Finnegan - Series, Comedy - Daisy had the perfect suburban family, until she witnessed something terrible. Now they're being put in the Witness Protection Program and nothing will ever be the same. 31 pages - pdf, format 8)

3/5

This could potentionally be a feature-length if you wanted it to be. This also could've been more professional. I didn't believe the whole police/Witness Protection situation. My advice is to make it just about the family without all the "WPP" drama. It was just very unbelievable, but I liked how you tied up all the sub-plots, like the gas problem. I thought that was to be remained unsolved. A very fast read, maybe more detail, but not too much. Plus, it reminds of this other script 'Creatures' I read a while ago. Very, very similar. Consider changes. Some of the jokes were funny but the dialogue didn't get real until the end. Consider studying dialogue.

This is a comedy, isn't it? I hope so, because I think that some sort of sitcom about people on the lam could really be interesting.
Still, the story about the muder wasn't at all credible. The police wouldn't put you in a WPP just because something might maybe happen to you, this is normally the very last option. In you script, taking part in the WPP seemed to be a normal-day activity.
Also, you couldn't move out of your house that relaxed, I guess.

Still, keep writing it. I'll read it.