James takes on Ryan in the first ever screenwriting exercise match.

The challenge is

Write an iconic scene from any movie as a completely different genre.


Vote for the script you think meets the challenge best.  

A
FADE IN:

INT. KINDERGARTEN ROOM - FAIRMONT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY

Fifteen five-year-olds sit around the room on small mats.  They laugh and whisper to each other.  A nervous excitement seems to hang in the air.

ROBBY, a dark-haired moppet, balls his hands into fists and taps the floor in anticipation.

Next to him, the blue-eyed, confident JAKE smiles and nods.  All the kids look amped up for something.

A huge poster of an American flag lies taped to the front wall.

PRINCIPAL ANDREA KINNEY, 45, dressed prim and proper as can be, walks into the room.

KINNEY
Good morning, everyone.

KIDS
Good morning, Principal Kinney!

KINNEY
Okay, I know today is your big dodgeball match with the first graders.

The kids squeal and clap with enthusiasm.

KINNEY
But I do have to tell you that Miss Anderson apparently has the flu and called in sick.  So, she won’t be here today.

Energy drains from the room like water through a sieve.  The kids can’t believe it.

Robby looks at Jake, shakes his head.  He’s crushed.

KINNEY
So, let me introduce you to your substitute teacher for the day.

Kinney looks to the doorway.

KINNEY
Mr. Patton?

GEORGE PATTON, 60, walks through the doorway.  He stands ramrod straight, his gray hair cropped to a buzzcut.  He wears an Oxford shirt, khaki pants, sensible shoes.

KINNEY
So let’s give him a big welcome.  Hello, Mr. Patton!

KIDS
(tepid)
Hello, Mr. Patton.

PATTON
(gravelly)
Hello, children.

KINNEY
Alrighty, I’ll let you guys get to it.  And good luck, kids!

Kinney leaves.  Patton closes the door, paces before the class.

PATTON
I understand that you have an engagement planned for today.  A...war of dodgeball.  

He stops pacing, looms in front of them.

PATTON
Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country.  He won it by making the other poor, dumb bastard die for his country.

The kids look confused.  Patton glances back at the poster of the flag.

PATTON
Americans traditionally love to fight.  All real Americans love the sting of battle.  Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser.  Americans play to win all the time.  I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed.  

Patton takes a step closer to the kids.  They instinctively lean back.

PATTON
That’s why Americans have never lost and will never lose a war.  Vietnam doesn’t count.  Because the very thought of losing...is hateful to Americans.

Robby looks at Jake, gulps.

PATTON
Now, an Army is a team.  It lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team.  This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap.

Down the hall, a rousing cheer erupts from another classroom.

PATTON
You hear that?  Those are the first graders.  

The kids look at each other, fear in their young eyes.  Patton shakes his head, smirks.

PATTON
You know, by God, I actually pity those poor bastards we’re going up against.  By God, I do.  We’re not just going to shoot the bastards, we’re going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.  We’re going to murder those lousy first grade bastards by the bushel.

Robby’s mouth hangs open.  Did he hear that right?

PATTON
Now, some of you kids, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken out under fire.  Don't worry about it.  I can assure you that you will all do your duty.  The first graders are the enemy.  Wade into them.  Spill their blood.  Shoot them in the belly.

Patton bends down, gets right in Robby’s face.

PATTON
When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face...

Patton points to Jake.

PATTON
You'll know what to do.  And let me tell you how we’re going to do it.

Patton rises, folds his hands behind his back.

PATTON
We are advancing constantly and we’re not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose and we're going to kick him in the ass.  We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we're gonna go through him like crap through a goose!

ROBBY
Yeah!

Excitement begins to ripple back into the troops.

PATTON
There’s one thing that you kids will be able to say when you get back home.  And you may thank God for it.  Thirty years from now when you’re sitting around your fireside with your son on your knee and he asks you what did you do in the great dodgeball war, you won’t have to say, "Well, I shoveled sh!t in Louisiana."

Jake scratches his chin, furrows his brow.

Patton smiles, nods at his minions.

PATTON
Alright now, you sons of b!tches, you know how I feel.

He takes a few steps backward.

PATTON
Oh, and I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle.  Anytime, anywhere.

He walks to the door, opens it, turns back to the class.

PATTON
That’s all.

He walks out the door.

Robby lets out a war cry, follows Patton through the gates of Hell, aka the doorway.  Jake is right behind him.

The rest of the screaming tots storm out after them, fists raised in assured victory.
  
FADE OUT.

B

FADE IN:

INT. BELLERMAN’S GRAND BALLROOM - NIGHT

PEOPLE dressed in elegant gowns and tuxes sift at their champagne flutes. A myriad of STAFF MEMBERS perform an awful closing ceremony song on stage. The party attendees yawn.

BABY, 17, sits in the corner seat of her table next to her FATHER and MOTHER.

JOHNNY, 25, clad in black, walks in with a purpose. He approaches Baby’s table.

JOHNNY
Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

Baby’s father shakes his head. Looks at his wife.

FATHER
What the hell does that mean?

BABY
It’s okay, Johnny. I wanted to sit here.

Johnny crumples his face. Offers a blank stare.

JOHNNY
What if you have to go to the bathroom? Can you even see the stage?

Baby gets up. She nudges Johnny back.

BABY
What are you doing?

JOHNNY
I’m just saying, the aisle seat is much more...

BABY
No, I mean, what are you doing here?

Johnny takes her hand.

JOHNNY
I always do the last dance. And, I want to take you with me.

Johnny pats his chest with his palm in a double-tap rhythm.

JOHNNY
Feel my beating heart when I’m around you, gu-gunk, gu-gunk.

BABY
I don’t want to feel your gu-gunk.

She lowers her head. Sighs.

BABY
Look, Johnny, I’m leaving tomorrow. I haven’t even finished school. How is an out of work dance instructor gonna support me. Plus, you’re like, eight years older then me. You don’t think there’s anything weird about that?

JOHNNY
But, I don’t get it. The things we did? The things we shared?

She shrugs her shoulders. Offers a guilty smile.

BABY
What can I say? It was fun.

Johnny nods his head. He backs away. Throws his hands in the air.

JOHNNY
They got to you didn’t they? You’re just one of them!

ON STAGE

The singing workers’ voices trail off as they watch the scene transpire.
A KID, 16, stands ready at a 1960s record player. He notices Johnny’s raised hands.

KID
(to himself)
That’s the signal.

He drops the needle on the record. “Time of My Life” begins its wading opening riffs.

BALLROOM

Johnny looks at the kid behind the record player. He pulls out a pistol. Aims it at the noise maker. The kid's eyes widen. He jumps behind the curtain. Staff members scurry.

BANG! A shot rips into the record player sending sparks flying and silencing the crowd.

KID (O.S.)
Too early?

Johnny points the gun at Baby.

JOHNNY
Get on the floor. We’re doing the lift.

BABY
Johnny, please...

JOHNNY
Shut up!

He waves the gun around the ballroom. People duck.

JOHNNY
You all think you’re better than me, don’t you? You can just use people like me and toss us out? Tonight, I’m gonna show you all my kind of dancing.

KID (O.S.)
But... You shot the record player!

Johnny backs up from Baby. He motions people away from her with the pistol. They part like the Red Sea. Baby stands alone. Johnny waves her to him.

JOHNNY
Come on. We can do this.

BABY
I’m scared.

JOHNNY
Don’t be a baby, Baby.

She wipes away tears. Takes a deep breath.

BABY
Okay, but, put the gun down.

Johnny smiles. He whips off his jacket and tosses it to the ground. He lays his gun on it. He points to his eyes.

JOHNNY
Focus on me. Trust in me.

MAX, the resort manager, sneaks to the gun and picks it up. He points it at Johnny’s head. He speaks with such a lisp that he slobbers.

MAX
So sorry, sucker. Show’s over.

JOHNNY
Please, Just let me have this moment? I’ve worked so hard. I deserve this.

INT. STATE PENINTENTARY CELL - DAY

LUCAS, 42, smokes a cigarette on the bottom bunk. Johnny reads a magazine on the top bunk. ZEUS, a bald beast of a man that every bit reflects his name, walks in.

He kicks the lower bed. He grabs Lucas by the shirt and tosses him on the floor.

ZEUS
The fuck you think you’re doing? Nobody puts baby on the top bunk.

LUCAS
Sorry, man. Sorry.

Lucas runs out. Zeus turns to Johnny. They both smile.

JOHNNY
Ready for your lesson?

ZEUS
Been practicing all day.

Johnny hops off the bed.

PRISON CORRIDOR

It is a two deck jail hall. INMATES muster around. A merengue begins to echo throughout the jail. The inmates grimace.

INMATE
Not this shit again...

JOHNNY (O.S.)
Remember, chest out, arms high and always step on two...

FADE OUT.

The dodgeball scene from Patton or the prison dance scene from Dirty Dancing. I liked both but the nod goes to the over the top Patton. I thought the dodgers should be older.

Gary

A

As soon as I saw that flag on the wall, oh lord. ;D
Funny, engaging, and crisp writing.
Even had an "emotion arc" where the kids came around and got excited.
My one complaint, minor setting confusion, I thought Patton was on stage, guess not.
Apparently, he was walking the floor, and I missed that.

B

Started strong with the Dirty Dancing scene.
Felt more like an Airplane like satire than a "scene transplant".
It's funny, but I don't feel like it completely nailed the exercise rules.
Took a bit too long to get to the prison, but a nice concept.
The ending, with repeating the lines in jail was a nice finish.

I liked this exercise. Clean fun reads. Both good jobs!

I'm voting A.

E.D.

My vote's for B. Both went down the comedy route, but for me B did more with the original scene...A seemed to not go a whole lot further than substituting in 'first graders' for 'Nazis'.

Both good efforts, though!

Hmm...

Maybe a future version of this challenge would allow the scenes to be transplanted into any genre but comedy.

The first isn't really a different genre.  The character of Patton is still in the same genre; he's just been transplanted, genre and all, into a different setting.  The juxtaposition creates comedy, but the scene hasn't really been changed, in my opinion.

...that said, it does read as quite funny.

Agreed with Brett about the second scene feeling like a Zucker spoof.  A well-written Zucker spoof, but, in my opinion, even a little further from the challenge than the first.

Both enjoyable reads, neither exactly hitting the mark as far as the challenge goes, in my opinion.  I liked A more.

Interesting.

I'm not that familiar with either movie, so I'm not really "getting " it.

I vote for A.

Voting for A.

Didn't recognize B even though I've seen the movie. It was a long time ago and for me it wasn't the kind you watch again.

Both read well, but I preferred A.  Good job both of you.  :)

Both these pieces worked very well.

A) I think I know who wrote this based on one simple fact: he's the only writer here that I never have to go back and reread a single line. Strangest thing, but never. Everything is always perfectly clear from line to line. Of course, I could be guessing wrong.

Only problem I had with this was the greasing the treads of the tanks. My impression up to this point was that the premise was what would happen if Patton was in charge of dodge ball kindergarten. The idea was to make him a little over the top, and create a great recipe for dialogue. Was totally working too.

The tank line marked a change in that premise for me, where now it seemed like Patton was so confused he thought he was fighting the Battle of the Bulge. It went from "over the top Patton" to "senile Patton", or maybe even "cut and paste Patton", where Geroge C Scott scenes were just pasted into the kindergarten movie.

But other than that it was really entertaining and easy to read, solidly humorous. Outstanding work.

B) Writing here was also excellent, though I tripped a few times. Just my clumsiness. This is surprisingly going to win my vote. The creative ending is what did the trick for me, and turned my vote from where I expected to give it. I think this would make a helluva skit on SNL, or a funny short.

My then girlfriend made me watch dirty dancing back when it first was in video stores. Haven't seen it since. But I was able to remember much of that scene through your skit, so pretty effective. You managed to capture a lot of what many people said about that movie at the time, and twisted it so that her reaction was more probable than in the movie.

Shooting the record: hmm, normally I would say that's just way too over the top. But I understand how powerful that song was for a long time after that movie. It still resonates with people. So when he suddenly pulls the gun and shoots, I can hear the scratching cease of that song. That's an abrupt transition for your script. Well done.

The last scene is hilarious. Having him called "Baby" by the cell mate is writing genius. And that turning it into a dance scene. And surprisingly, you didn't have Johnny being forced, but enthusiastically into it. Very funny, very unpredictable.

So great work by both. B gets my vote.

Really good effort by both A & B here. Overall I think A is the smoother read of the two, in terms of flow and lack of errors etc. but my vote's for B, just cause it cracked me up.

The dialogue between Johnny & Baby, him having his little hissy fit, and Baby commenting on him being a two-bit out of work dancer and eight years older - really funny stuff. If I had a criticism about any of it, it's that the Prison scene seemed tacked on & extraneous to the rest of it really.

In the end, I think the trouble with this exercise is people may naturally lean towards a given scene because of a fondness for one movie over another. That being said both of these were well written and the elements of comedy in both were very effective. I just imagined both actually filmed and which one I'd find more entertaining.

So: B gets my vote today.

Good job, guys.

I liked both of them but the ending of the second one just didn't do it for me. As over the top as George Patton was, and even though he was just transplanted into this scene and therefore looked senile, it still worked for the script because it added to the comedic element of the situation.

Also, the first one was simple and straightforward. Sometimes simplicity is best, especially when it comes to comedy.

Eh.  I'm kind of indifferent on both.  I guess I vote A.

Thanks to both of the writers for undertaking a difficult challenge meant to stretch both of their abilities.   I think they both deserve to be a champion here.   But it seems like A has the vote... so.  

Our new champion is...

our returning champion Ryan who wrote A!  Congrats Ryan.  

James wrote B.

Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

Who is going to challenge the unstoppable?  Who is going up against Ryan next?

Thanks for an interesting challenge, Mike.  And good job, James.  Now we know what became of poor Johnny Castle.

I do understand the complaints about how transplanting the Patton character into a different setting doesn't really change the genre.  But, I thought the speech itself was so over the top that that alone is what made it a comedy, given the new setting.  I didn't want to lighten up the Patton character at all.  

Brett, you're right about Patton being on stage in the original.  I asked Mike about this and he said it was okay to play around with the setting.

Kevin, you are correct about the "tank tread" line making no sense.  But when I watched the original scene, I just couldn't resist putting it in there.  It's just too damn awesome.

And Jeff, you need to make PATTON next in your Netflix instant play.  Pretty much every line I used came from that movie's justifiably famous opening scene.

Never seen Patton, Jeff? You'll love it. Geroge C Scott is unforgettable.

Nice work guys. And good idea Cornetto. The exercise worked out well.

I've seen it, Ryan, just not remotely recently, and I'm not a war/historical movie guy in any way.  And although I'm sure I've seen Dirty Dancing, I definitely will not be watching it ever again...not my shot of Jager...

Good job guys!!!  Well done on a very tough and different challenge.

And a special Kudos to Cornie for coming up with this idea.  It is definitely outside the box and surely something that made these guys think about what they were going to do.

Good job to all.

Wow, you guys closed this up too fast! I read them on Friday and hadn't had a chance to vote or organize my thoughts on them...

Though they were both very well written and both very good ideas, I would have voted for B. And I'll admit to never seeing Patton, so when I read A, and saw the kindergarten class, I thought the writer was substituting Patton for the Ahnold character in Kindergarten Cop, so it kind of took me out of it right away. Also, the dialogue is all Patton's and thus a one-sided scene, and I really like what James did as far as taking an iconic and very cheesy scene and playing it for comedy.

Huge thanks Cornie, this was a difficult exercize. But, it was fun. I'd like to see it done again, I dunno if Ryan would want to do it again, but, I would like to see what others come up with.

Some complained about us both going comedy. Trust me, I didn't want to. I felt if either of us were able to transform a scene into a different genre then comedy, it would be a sure winner. Problem for me was, that everytime I tried to re-imagine a scene, it became funny to me. So, I went for a spoof...

I knew not everyone here would be as unfortunately familiar as I am with Dirty Dancing. My ex girlfriend would watch it anytime it was on. I became pretty good at making fun of it. Seriously, who the fuck describes a heartbeat as "gu-gunk"? Pretty sure that flew by a few.

Ryan deserves the win. Fucker. My hats off. A clever idea, well executed. It fits the challenge better then mine. I know mine was just gonna be a spoof as some of you caught onto. And, no excuses this time Libby! I was drinking when I wrote this. In my defense, he didn't kick my ass as bad as you did. So, yes, I believe I write better when I drink. Although some of the prose towards the end got a little sloppy

Thanks to all who voted and read. I hope some others jump into the challenge. I'll definitely read and vote.

James

If we do get this exercise again, I'll steer clear of comedy.  The urge to goof on a classic scene was just too strong, and obviously neither of us could resist.  And both of these scripts were written mighty fast, as you guys could tell.  But yeah, in hindsight I realize we both took the easy way out and the true challenge would be to take a more complex scene and try to recreate it as faithfully as possible while still utilizing a completely different genre.  Maybe next time.

Meant to say, good job guys. And James, you're saying 'you were on the sauce' this time so, no excuses - funny guy :)

Ok, so I'm putting out the challenge that one of the newbies might want to take up either the logline exercise or any other exercise that MC comes up with.

I think a challenge between newbies might be a good 'getting to know you' exercise.  Just a thought.