UFO 436 by Milos Dimitrijevic - Sci Fi, Action, Thriller, Mystery - Programmed robot from other galaxy comes to Earth to find buried device and shot on everything that oppose him. 76 pages - pdf, format 8)

Gave the first ten pages a read.

Obviously, English isn't your first language.  That's no big deal -- to me, anyway.  But then I've spent a lot of time around foreign friends and watching foreign films, so when it comes to language differences I can read between the lines and get the point.  But that's not to say that others can or will.

Your narratives/descriptions, however, are a big problem.  Language barriers aside, you're including a lot of "unfilmables" and are over-explaining things.  Also, narrative/description paragraphs should be no longer than four lines long.

Clean, clear and concise -- that's what you're looking for.  Give us no more information in your narratives/description than it takes to get the point across.  Don't get so detailed.  Your entire first paragraph of description could easily be whittled down to four clear, effective lines.  

Also, breaking up your paragraphs would add to your page count; 76 pages is way too short of feature-film length.

Best of luck.  Keep writing.

- Lon

You formatted perfectly, and generally your spelling is very good - way higher than your ability in constructing sentences. Your approach to the action sequences in the script needs a re-think. Lon is correct that you need to pare things down a bit, but if you are serious about continuing writing scripts, then it is likely that you will have to have this passed to someone who is going to be willing to re-work it. Other areas that could do with work are the dramatization - it felt a little flat - an action scene has to have a little pace to it. Best of luck with it

I agree with Lon and SiColl. Just a few more notes though:

Why not give the three 'Guys' names? To me, they have enough dialogue to warrant a name. My personal rule of thumb is that if they speak more than one line, and aren't just some extra or random civilian, give them some generic name. (Bob, Tom, etc.)

Your character descriptions seem a little redundant. Each time we meet someone new, we're told what color their skin is, and how tall they are. I know you meant well, but I found this hilarious. The only time a characters race, height, eye color, or any other physical trait should be mentioned (at least in my eyes) is when it is crucial for the story. That's great that you made Cooper a black guy, but I don't see why that needs to be said in a sci-fi film. While this is a great way to help the reader envision YOUR story, it pigeonholes you (and any director/producer) in casting an actor. You don't ever want to limit yourself like that on a spec script.

Those huge blocks of action are a killer. Break those up. Great description though.

It may just be me, but I got a little confused on your slugs and locations. I understand that English may not be your first language, but why not be more specific on WHERE we are in Kansas. I used to live in Kansas, and while there isn't much up there (which you nailed) if I was some big-shot producer, and I knew a thing or two about Kansas, I could appreciate more specific slugs. With all your description, I'm a little surprised you didn't throw that in. Where are we? Topeka? Kansas City? Lawrence? Lenexa?

Hope this helps, congrats on finishing a script!