Playback by Steven Michaels - Sci Fi - A mystical camera that can video tape the past is used to solve a case of a missing teenage boy. Part noir thriller, part sci-fi fantasy, Playback is riveting story of what the past reveals about the truth and ourselves.  124 pages - pdf, format 8)

     Steven, first of all congrats on finishing what I suspect is your first screenplay. I say that because you apparently are not sure how a screenplay should be written. I managed to make it through the first ten pages or so then skipped and read a few more.  I really hate to see threads with no responses. I hate when that happens to my scripts and it often does. I think people don't respond because they don't have anything good to say. That's not a good reason. So I'm not gonna blow sunshine up your rear end.

     You have major problems here disregardless of the story and the dialogue. You start right off with a lot of spelling errors which can easily be corrected. Your action lines do not need to be in caps only the name of characters before the first time they have a speaking part. Your action lines are way too long. You should try to keep them down to two or three lines and cut out all the unnecessay descriptions.

     Also you are telling and not showing. The only things that need to be in action lines are actions, not how a character feels or what his position is or what he ate for dinner the day before. I can tell you adapted this from a novel because you have numerous action lines throughout in past tense. All action lines must be in present tense. Don't get lazy and just use what you had in your book. You are writing a screenplay. Difficult I know. I have adapted a book to a screenplay it is very hard to do.

     I'm afraid you need to completely re-write this. Correct all your past tenses, the long action lines etc. Read lots of scripts on the board. That is how you learn. It is good to read pro scripts but I think the ones here by the SS members who have been around for a long time are the best to read, IMO.  I hope I haven't been too hard on you. Keep writing and read other scripts and give comments. Marvin K. Perkins.    

    

Hi,
Marvin pretty much says it all in his post. The first thing I noticed is that you have 2 blank pages after the title page, before your first scene. Why?
The first few pages have spelling errors that are really noticeable, I guess you didnt re-read through this before posting, maybe a little too excited about getting your screenplay up here. TBH i only read the first 5 pages or so. My advice would be to read other adaptations of books that you've read and compare. If youre adapting a book you dont need to write it in order or put in every scene page for page. Re-read the book making a list of all the important scenes you need.
This is a very interesting idea and could work if it is written well. Good luck