EXT. STREET-EVENING
Keith and Dave are walking beside each other and Colm and Mark are at the back of them.
Dave is walking with chip bag under his arm.
KEITH
Why how much drink did you get?
DAVE
Two bottles of Devil’s spit.
KEITH
That is nasty shit.
Dave laughs.
DAVE
Cheap and nasty shit but does the job.
Dave and Keith walk in silence. In the background Colm picks up a metal bar he finds on the ground. While he is walking he is playing with the bar as Mark watches him.
KEITH
How much is Gumbo paying?
Dave and Keith walk under lamppost that is shinning onto the street.
DAVE
Three hundred each.
KEITH
That’s not bad.
DAVE
Not bad for one days work.
Mark and Colm pass by lamppost, which Colm impulsively hits with the metal bar created a roaring smash of metal.
Keith and Mark look back.


I am new to script writing but I did a bit in college I was wondering would this pass as okay or what would you say I am doing wrong?

It seems to be formatted properly.

You'll want to do away with the passive verbiage, though, for sure - ing verbs.

"Keith and Dave walk beside each other.  Colm and Mark bring up the rear."

Write your lines as complete sentences - don't omit "a", or "the", etc.

"Dave has a bag of chips in his hand."

Write in the present tense.

"They pass by a lamppost, which Colm impulsively whacks with the metal bar, creating a roaring smash of metal on metal."

Hope that helps.

Hey Collette -

Agree with Jeff there - most important thing to do is get rid of the "ing" words.  All verbs (at least as much as possible) should be active.  I'd make the dialogue a bit more casual, but that's just my tastes... For instance...

EXT. STREET-EVENING
Keith and Dave walk beside each other.  Colm and Mark trail a few steps behind.
Dave totes a chip bag, carried under his arm.

KEITH
How much drink you get?

DAVE
Two bottles of Devil’s spit.

KEITH
Nasty s***, man.

Dave laughs.

DAVE
Cheap and nasty - but it does the job.

Dave and Keith walk in silence. Colm picks up a metal bar from the ground, plays with it as Mark watches.

KEITH
How much is Gumbo paying?

They approach a lamppost - the sole source of light in a dark street.

DAVE
Three hundred each.

KEITH
Not bad.

DAVE
Sure, for one days work.

CRASH.  Colm slams the metal bar against the lampost.  The sound echoes down the street.

Keith and Mark look back.