This scene takes place inside of a high school classroom. First day of school. About 20-25 students in the class. The teacher takes attendance while a couple of cheer-leader type gals have a conversation with a vamped-out chick. Making fun of her.

The problem I have is I don't want the teacher speaking MOS, but, I find if I interrupt the conversation between the girls with...

TEACHER
Tom Baker?

TOM
Here.

TEACHER
Alice Caldwell?

It just seems to clutter the script. And takes away from the focal point of the conversation between the girls. If I just write that the teacher takes attendance, isn't that enough? This is one of those things you hope that would simply be handled in the film making process IMO. I May be wrong...

James

I know I'm not the most experienced here, but I think you are absolutely right in the way you suggest doing it. I can't imagine any director, producer, agent wants to read dialogue of your teacher calling attendance. Describing what the teacher is doing in the background is the right way.

Thanks Kev, I just wanted another writer's opinion. This is one of those things I worry about the format Nazi's, "cough" (Jeff), coming after me for. I'm going to leave the attendance calling out of it.

James

I personally owe a tremendous debt to Jeff for his help, and I respect his knowledge of screen. I do choose to go in another direction occasionally. Such as the dreaded "unfilmable". This is another one of those areas. I think the focus should be on the reader: what makes it easier for him to understand what's going on? What moves the story without interrupting or unnecessary clunkiness? And also to be considered is the golden rule of 1 page per 1 minute.

But just to be safe, do these kind of things when he's asleep and not looking!

When's the script going to be done?

I agree 100%. You can't pay for the type of coverage Jeff will give you. In your face. Raw. But, I want someone to try to tear my script apart, because you find things you didn't see.

Quoted from leitskev When's the script going to be done?

This is my baby. My first feature. Its a rewrite honestly, because it was the first thing I've ever written. Have to be out of my house by the 31st. Sold it. Once I get settled, I think I can have this done by October.

We're shooting a trailer for it too. Keep an eye out for "Willowick".

James

Jeff never sleeps!   ;D ;D  Ha...had an jalapeno pizza last night...woke up early with a gut ache, and couldn't go back to sleep.  How's that for TMI?

James, I agree that as long as the focus isn't on the teacher calling out names or students responding one by one, you can use a note, or just write a description line saying something like, "The scantily clad, hot as shit teacher calls out names, one by one in the background, while the dumnfuck students replay with an eager "Here"."

Just write as the TEACHER takes attendance in the b.g., the Cheerleader turns to Vamped-out chick blah blah.

Good to hear you're finally writing a feature, though.  'Bout time, James.

Thanks to you both for chiming in. Its a pretty big scene for me. Very important to the story. Just wanted to make sure I handle it properly.

Quoted from Ryan1 Good to hear you're finally writing a feature, though.  'Bout time, James.

Look who's talking. Where's your feature? In Babz's back pocket? I always think a script will be nothing but better if it runs the guantlet here.
James

Funny you should bring that up.  I got a new one coming up the pike.  Got some good notes from Kev on the first draft and I'm polishing the second draft.  Will post in a couple weeks.

Quoted from Ryan1 Funny you should bring that up.  I got a new one coming up the pike.  Got some good notes from Kev on the first draft and I'm polishing the second draft.  Will post in a couple weeks.

Well then, we should have a feature showdown, Lol. And no, I wasn't contracted to write the re-boot of Dirty Dancing. Fuckers...

James

Here's my tuppence-worth - but first - what's MOS???

Basically if any director / producer wants the script, they'll go for it - they want stuff they can film. In my 'experience' directors (take a little time to find out that they) can't write, and want to read something they can film (that's what they like doing) so they don't want pages 'n' pages of "stuff-that's-blatantly-obvious". A lot of scriptwriting is about focusing on the key functions, removing the clutter, so that our delightfully creative partners in crime (i.e. directors) can get on with their job. So de-cluttered, and straight to the point appears to conclude with... what you originally thought. Dump useless dialogue. Good, innit?

Quoted from Forgive Here's my tuppence-worth - but first - what's MOS???

MOS = Without sound.

Supposedly the abbreviation goes back to the 20's when some German director told his cast and crew that he wanted to shoot a scene "Mit Out Sound."  They thought it sounded funny and I guess it spread through Hollywood after that.