Steeler by Imran Hussain - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - Fuelled by love and revenge, brings a gogtor soldier to earth on a mission to rescue his mate and bring those are responsible to justice. 14 pages - pdf, format 8)

Meh, I try not to bash scripts on logline alone, So I read it. I have no idea wtf just went on here. I'm dumbfounded.

Imram, I don't think you have a language barrier. You seem to have quite an extensive vocabulary. But, this story is weak. Many formatting issues throughout. Not even gonna get into that. But, when you say "Did I say she was Pretty?" in your action prose then your alienating me with your unfilmablers as well. I'm pretty tough to piss off about this.

The story is only two acts. We see a dilapitated NYC. Then your robot alien shows up and drives a truck through a bar and takes off. Thats it. I only read hoping for more and was let down. Good luck too ya...

James

Hello James

Thanks for reading my script. I do appreciate the things you pointed out. I’ll take them into account as I try to improve. However, you mentioned format – it piqued my curiosity.

I’m not a boaster. This is my first mere attempt to write a feature length screenplay, so if you would be so kind and bring those format issues to light.

I hate to disappoint you. If you would like I can send full screenplay. Then the story might make more sense to you.

Imran

Good to see your here. First, your slugs should be double-spaced.

"What has scared the ghost out of this Woman?" - don't write questions in your action prose. This is umfilmable territory which can be argued til the end of time whether or not they belong in scripts. I find, if you avoid them, there's simply no argument.

Your action prose is too flowery. Like a short story. You could probably cut down two pages from this if you tighten.

DR. GOLDBERG (O.S.)
(filtered)
No more sudden than your
resignation, my dear. - I will believe and always write someone on the other end of a tele as (V.O.) - again, and arguable point with many.

To be honest, your formatting is not that bad. I still reserve my opinion on the story however. Based on what I've read here, I'm not intrigued enough to read the feature. You need to reconstruct this into a solid three acts and leave us with a hanger... Making us want to read more. It seems as though we meet characters and they just dissapear. Like they had nothing to do with the story. again, to the part where I don't get it.

read some scripts here. Learn story telling in shorts, then apply to a feature. Its the best way to get free, valuable feedback from many good writers on this site.

James