Enter Dr. Mayhem - Print Topic

Posted by: Don, September 26th, 2011, 5:08pm

Enter Dr. Mayhem by D. Ross Kellett - Short, Comedy - A young super villain finds himself at the mercy of his greatest nemesis: curfew. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

Posted by: Amel Puric, September 26th, 2011, 5:37pm; Reply: 1

entertaining. definitely got lots of material to make it into a series. or just write more about dr. mayhem

Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), September 26th, 2011, 5:41pm; Reply: 2

This was a cute read but it fell flat for me in the second half. While Doctor Mayhem was 'fighting' the hero, it read like a nineteen-fifties comic book. Afterwards, it just petered out.

SPOILER SPACE

By making Max's parents retired villains, you took out any confrontation that he could have with Dad. The left the scene flat.

Concentrate for on Max being a villain, over him being a kid.

Phil

Posted by: albinopenguin, September 29th, 2011, 1:16pm; Reply: 3

this one was a mixed bag for me. at times i thought you added a new and fresh perspective on things while other times, things just didnt add up. and i think that's my biggest problem with this. you have a villain who's 13, combats adult superheros, hates school, and gets school by his ex-costumed father. the individual pieces make sense, but added as a whole, they just dont fit together. as dogglebe suggested, just focus on one or two things for now. i REALLY enjoyed the beginning, but my enthusiasm decreased as i continued to read.

also some of the jokes were really funny, while others have been done before. once again, 50/50 on everything here.

let me know if and when you rewrite this. would love to read the revisions.

Posted by: Branzig Rubenburg, October 5th, 2011, 7:29pm; Reply: 4

This was cute, I liked it. The story kept my attention. The super hero was depicted perfectly and I like the idea of a teenage super villain. Making his parents super villains as well also contributed to the story.

Posted by: TheUsualSuspect, October 7th, 2011, 12:43am; Reply: 5

I think the story is great, while the execution could use a bit more work. You set things up well, then it seems to lose interest in itself in the latter half, which made me lose a bit of interest as well.

Posted by: nawazm11, October 29th, 2011, 7:55pm; Reply: 6

Nicely done, a very fast read. I really enjoyed this script, especially the first half even though it was clichéd alot but I think that was what made it funny.

But I do agree with with dogglebe. That you should concentrate on him being a villain rather than a teenager. It just slowed the pace of the story imo.

Overall, an enjoyable story :)