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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Scripts / Someone's Knocking At My Door
Posted by: Don, November 5th, 2011, 5:57pm
Someone's Knocking At My Door by R. Martins - Short, Thriller - It's late...You're all alone...and someone's knocking at your door… 22 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: crookedowl (Guest), November 6th, 2011, 1:28pm; Reply: 1
This looks like a shooting draft. People on here usually prefer regular reading drafts of scripts.
Get rid of the scene numbers. And you don't need to use "ACT 1" unless you're writing a TV script. Don't use CUT TO: or any other transition; that's the film editor's job. Also, the big font on the title page isn't necessary. Don't use camera directions; that's what storyboards are for. Plus it takes readers out of the script.
Posted by: Baltis. (Guest), November 6th, 2011, 1:52pm; Reply: 2
Conceivably everything you could do wrong in writing a screenplay... You did here. I mean everything.
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-Your title page is disastrous.
-You wrote this in production mode of whatever software you are using, that much is clear to me. Don't do this again, unless you are filming this yourself.
-You don't need Act structure in any screenplay, let alone a short.
-Do away with the (continued) at the tops and bottoms of all of your pages.
-You have an 8 line action slug on page 1, and the script is littered in clusters of 3, 4 and 5 line action slugs.
-Camera cue's all over the place...
(CUT TO) is alright to use, and isn't a direction but a transition. It's not a must, but it's certainly still accepted by the masses. What I'm talking about is your (TRACK shots) your (POV junk) and all manor of other quibbles.
-Your final page is complete throw away.
-NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER use the word SUDDENLY in your screenplay. EVER!
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Best advice I can give you: Stop using LY adverbs and start writing in the present.
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