We often argue/discuss format and style of writing and what's right and wrong or acceptable or not acceptable in script writing. We also hear over and over that a professional reader/agent/producer might not read past the first page if it "looks wrong".

My question here is, would you read past this first page if you opened up this script? If so why? What is it in this one page that made you want to read on despite the way it's written. Big blocks of text, past tense and on and on.  Just curious...   ;)

That's different, though. I doubt Tinker, Tailor was a spec that an unknown writer was trying to drum up some interest in. Also, it's an adaptation of a novel, so you're working with dense, wordy raw material (especially since it's Le Carre), which is bound to make your writing novelistic.

It's that 'one rule for us, another for them' thing again.

Given this page cold?  No, I would not.

But assuming there is a compelling logline that holds the promise of a good story, I would not toss it aside based upon a few broken "rules".  And there is plenty of superfluous action going on here.

I know what this is, btw, and am surprised to find the script so cluttered.

Atleast they got the spacing right.  Nothing hits my eyes harder than a cluttered, tight mess of a script that can't breath.

I'd read beyond this page for two reasons: although blocky and wordy, it isn't bloated or narrative, it's well-paced and visually written; and because it's a classic spy story set-up, building tension in seemingly innocuous events that the audience instinctively clues into. But more than that, the writing itself is confident and carries an undercurrent of secrecy and espionage that promises to make for an entertaining and engaging read. Being adapted from a novel makes sense, but also negates your query since it will never be read like a spec. If someone were to write a spec like this, however, I think it would be well received, depending on genre.

Since we are playing this game, I think I have a good one from a recent script that fewer are likely to recognize.

This first page grabbed me by the collar right off, and I wonder if others agree.

Bert, as the first page of a spec I'd say reading beyond it would depend greatly on who receives it. Getting hit cold with such graphic, heinous imagery threatens to put the audience off, perhaps beyond recovery. What follows had better be phenomenally well-crafted and redeeming.

Speaking for myself, I'd only continue reading if there's something in the logline to suggest the story will allow that opening. Otherwise, no matter how well-written it is, I'd start by questioning the writer's decision to use that opening and wonder what other questionable decisions might have been made, and is it worth the time to figure out.

Yeah, good points, Rene.

That is what a logline is for, I guess -- and what makes it so hard to judge a single page without any context -- which is something you would never have to do in real life, I am pretty sure.

But yeah, the logline for this one makes it pretty clear that you are getting into a very dark thriller sort of script.

I like that one bert!

My thoughts when I first opened up TTSS was that it hurt my eyes. If I had opened an OWC script that looked like that on the first page I would have closed it right back down. But since this script is award nominated, I figured I should at least read the first page. I did and I was immediately intrigued. So....if those insiders will decide after the first page whether or not they should continue to read, it seems to me that the content of the page is far more important that the style.

You would like the script, Pia, if you have not seen it already.

As for your page, I would be seriously put-off by some of it -- the mini-skirt girl (worthless detail), the Magyar (WTF?), the underlining (why?) -- but not by the dense text itself, which reads fine to me.

It is the little things about that page that bugged me and not the big stuff.

Yes, I would.

What people don't seem to realise is that a fast paced, quick read type of script is great for fast paced, Hollywood style films...not so good for thickly layered stories with heavy and deep characterisation.

It's screen savvy and visual...down to the point of the expert introduction of the main character in the scene. textbook stuff, but still something often missing in scripts. There's no exposition and we're instantly in the thick of the action.

Scene 2 builds the mystery very nicely...whom is following whom? Is something going on here, or not?

The tone is paranoid...almost like the person who wrote it has OCD and is writing everything down they can see. This fits in with the story-line perfectly and invites us directly into the world of a spy where every little detail may be the thing that saves your life.

I liked them both. The only thing about the first one that bothered me was the way the Magyar was introduced. It made me look back and reread, because it sounded like he had already been introduced. That's annoying. But other than that, it was good. Strong visual images.

I think it's hard to judge a script on just the first page. Yes, most of the amateur writers might be weeded out based on the first page, but other than that, how much should we expect the first page to do? Sure, it's great when the first page is a real attention grabber, or creates tension like the second example, but plenty of great films don't do that in one page. I think what I'd be looking for in the first page is simply this: a reason to turn to the second page.

Quoted from bert You would like the script, Pia, if you have not seen it already. As for your page, I would be seriously put-off by some of it -- the mini-skirt girl (worthless detail), the Magyar (WTF?), the underlining (why?) -- but not by the dense text itself, which reads fine to me. It is the little things about that page that bugged me and not the big stuff.

Hmmm...I'm not sure.

The purpose is to subtly suggest that anyone could be a threat. From the burliest man, to the fashionable bimbo. 2/3 of the world's assassins are women....because men have few defences against a pretty girl. It also gives a sense of the time...and also subtly suggests a potential discrepancy...would a girl on the streets of Budapest be wearing a mini-skirt in this time period?

I can see that the Magyar is confusing...but they are a specific ethnic group in Hungary.

I do think people miss the importance of these little details at times, in their rush to make everything a super fast read.

Again depends on what you're trying to accomplish.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films 2/3 of the world's assassins are women....

Haha...this is the most made-up crap I have ever heard, Rick  :)

Cite your sources!

I heard a former MI6 agent say it on the telly when they were talking about the Litvinenko assassination.

It's obvious when you think about it. Most of the targets are men, and security will keep most men away at all times.

A beautiful 18 year old in a red dress on the other hand...

I can believe spies, but not assassins. They're not the same thing.

He specifically said assassins.

The dowdy waitress who slips poison into your tea or the cleaning maid who laces your toothbrush.

The Mexicans and Columbians are particularly keen on using women in their drug battles at the moment.

There's a film being made about one of them actually:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/i-fell-in-love-with-a-female-assassin-791978.html

I enjoyed both the pages.
I preferred the first one, I was hooked more.
Unsure of my surroundings, looking for clues, peering over my shoulder.

The second one was very visual and engaged me well.
But, I wasn't asking questions about the environment.
The script was telegraphing that, so not much thinking for me to do.

Don't care how something looks, I'll read anything for a paragraph or two.
But you better intrigue me in a hurry if you want me to continue.
There's only so much novelistic prose I'll put up with on a spec.

But, if I know it's an assignment, I'll give more leeway.
Especially, if I'm expected to have an opinion on it. ;D

E.D.

I would have stopped reading the first one because it's blocky, and I agree with Bert that it was somewhat superfluous.

The second one is spaced properly and is a great blend of descriptive and staccato narrative - I kept reading until the end.

It's all about finding your voice and grabbing the reader and less about hard and fast rules...

Oh, and if Emmanuelle Chriqui is ever an assassin bent on tracking me? Then color me dead...

Both are well written for the type of film I imagine coming out of them.  Both immediately establish an atmosphere, immediately establish a style, and introduce a number of questions.  I think they're both quite strong.  

In regards to content the second one sounds like a film that's a load of bullshit to me.  Very few films can justify a rape anywhere in the storyline, fewer still in the first scene (Naked is one of the best films ever made...), and fewer still in combination with murder.  All that the content of the second one succeeds in doing for me is convincing me that the writer isn't talented enough to elicit response without excess.

But, like the other writer, he's good and he's written the page exactly the way it should be written, in my opinion.  I'd keep reading both, spec or not.  The second would have to work hard to keep me going after that opening, though.

Had to google her, Anthony, but good call. Definitely killer!

I read a lot of books and scripts. To be honest, if the story is good, I often don't even notice if I'm reading a book or script. In other words, to me, I guess content is king.

Quoted from scar tissue I can see that the Magyar is confusing...but they are a specific ethnic group in Hungary.

Lol.  Guess I'm not as smart as I thought.  When I read it, I assumed that the Magyar was the type of car that was accelerating beside Prideaux.  I think I got lost somewhere in the descriptions.

I guess I'm even less smart than you Mark - I thought the Magyar were the little creatures from the movie "Gremlins"...

Haven't read the responses here, but yes, I would. (Qualify that with: On a good day.)  :)

I know from previous experience that I've read some fine scripts with big blocks of text. They can be a turn off, but the script can be gone over quite quickly, inside, to determine if it's of any quality.

I've just read the first paragraph and I thought it was good.

Having said that though, it doesn't mean people should be plastering their script in black like this. If the writer's specific task at hand is to weight details in a time frame, then of course it makes sense to some extent, but if it's just wordiness, that's another story altogether.

Sandra

No, I probably wouldn't. If the logline had something that stood out, I might give it a ten page cut off point. This script is based on a published novel, which means it is a project that has already been green lit. The style of this is 'epic'.

If this started from a pure spec script perspective, content aside, it would have a much tougher time getting into the right hands. Alot of the description in those blocks is redundant.

I preferred to read the second one much more.

The first one, T.T.S.S., just annoys me. That style of writing. I don't care about big blocks of text too much but I hate when it feels like the script is talking to me. I want information. Facts. You know, I read it and think, "That would probably look good on film. Why is it trying to read like one?" It's got almost everything I hate about reading a script.

That said, I can appreciate the content of a script. It sounds like it's building to something good. If I were a professional reader, I would force myself through it, just to see if it's as good as the set-up makes it out to be. But, I wouldn't be the least bit happy about reading that style of script.

As for the second one, I hate the opening slugline. Information like that, I believe, should be reserved for the prose. I'm not a huge fan of capitalized words, but it's still a common practice and I won't stop reading because of it. The script also feels like it's talking to me, but nearly as much. This style of script is one I can appreciate much more. For the most part, it gives the facts of the story without all the unnecessary details that clutter other types of scripts.

I prefer scripts to be as bare bones as possible. If there's info that needs to be said, say it. Otherwise, move onto the next scene.

I find myself scrolling through here and what catches me is the logline. If the logline isn't good or doesn't sound good, I usually don't even read the first page ....Then if I do open the script after reading the logling, if the first two or three descripts of the setting don't seem appealing, I lose interest. For  learning sake, since I'm new to all of this, I've been pushing through and trying to read at least half way through before I give up.

After just a month...I find myself, looking at logline first, then page count..I guess I'm lazy. But when I'm reading, the chunky descripts don't bother me so much if they make me visualize something very well...and IF the story is good, I tend to not even catch most of the grammar and typos that I'd normally catch.

Pia,

Thanks for this. I think this is a good debate, even if you have been through all this before.

I have waited to hear the wisdom of more experienced readers, before adding my bit, but this has helped me confirm my opinion.

From what I know, if this came from a writer called Bill Sarre (me), I doubt it would be read. I don't mind that, it's the world we live in. If I were to submit the same words, exactly, at least I would have to space it out. Add more white paper, so to speak.

I don't mind all that because the reality with most industries is that you are either on the inside, or not, and if not then you have to break through. This industry, whilst new to me, seems particularly tough, which must be hard on those wanting a career, or recognition.

But maybe, rather than being angry that a non standard spec script format could be produced like this, we should be thankful that there are occasions when the detail doesn't stop someone writing a decent script, as they want to, and showing the world it's not all about the format ( I now duck for cover).

Food for thought.

As someone with limited experience, this is an eye opener.
A movie that is action heavy is going to have a first page looking like that. It's the word craft within the first page that those "in the know" will no doubt pick up on so that only the absolute best stories get picked up...

Going back to the page in the first post, no, I wouldn't read past the first page.  Hell, I wouldn't read past the first paragraph.  

Going on the assumption that it's a spec script, the very first paragraph breaks a number of rules which are pretty much universally set in stone:  it's over-long (6 lines), includes camera directions and uses the dreaded "we" repeatedly.

If it was a shooting script it'd be a different story, obviously.  But based on the notion that it's spec -- no, I wouldn't bother with it.  But then I'm a stickler for the basics, so take my two cents for what they're worth.