Dinner by Tatyana Sampson - Short, Comedy - This is about a family dinner taking a complete awkward turn that has everyone leaving the room. 4 pages - pdf, format 8)

Tatyana

First thing I noticed was the grammar is off. Every sentence begins in lower case, you should capitalize the first letter of a new sentence. This is common knowledge, but I don't know your story personally, so I'll slide past that.

The script looks to be formatted wrong, you have alot out of place. Look up Celtx, it's a free program for screenwriting as well as...

PLAYS. This script seems like it's supposed to be a play with things like "she exits the stage..." not a film. Either way, get Celtx, that way its gets formatted correctly, plus you can switch between Play format and Film format.

The story was...cliche. It's not something that hasn't been done to death. Nothing new or fresh with your story.

Overall, this was hard to read due to the formatting and basic grammar errors (We all make them, don't feel too bad) that need correcting. If it's a story your passionate about I'd say re-write it, but only after youve done some research. Read others scripts on here, or of a movie you really liked, and ask the authors on here for pointers. As it stands, this was a rough read that needs alot of cleaning up.

Later on...

there is literally nothing right about this.  I hate to be a jerk but you wanted feedback.  I dont really understand what the point of this was.  Why didnt you name the characters?  Why didn't you capitalize anything?  Is this a segment from a longer story?

The best advice I have is for you to READ a lot of scripts...in here...from the internet...etc

I won't repeat the advice above, but it's not impossible to learn format so, if you enjoy writing, keep going.

I will give you two credits;

1) for attempting a four way dynamic conversation - this is where depth and tension can be developed. At least you tried.

2) the mother line about condoms in the mouth. Yeah, liked that. My sense of humour.

Hope you stick around, read and review. Best way to learn

All the best.

where's your title page? download celtx....now

why would a dad be asking his daughter if she met any cute guys/girls? doesnt quite add up.

name all of your characters.

even a horny prepubescent son wouldnt talk like that in front of his parents.

at page 4. theres no story here. just rambling.

i know im going to sound like a hypocrite, but for the love of god, please capitalize your words if you want us to take you seriously. absolutely no thought went into this bit.

Yeah. Odd one this. I did find it quite funny, and within reason (i.e. you've not written many scripts), I thought your dialogue was quite good - certainly your perception of dialogue was acceptable.

There are elements of characterization here, but I was unsure if it best suited an off the wall cartoon.

You've been given some feedback above, and you'd do well to take some of it on board.

There is a bit of a problem with the lack of story - it did feel very 'mid-stream' to me - like where was the rest of it?

Your strong points: Imagination; potential for dialogue; quirky outlook - I liked the Dad being quite off-kilter.

Needs work on: A lot really - story (where is it?); format (loads of web sources) grammar (if you like to write, write right).

So please have another go, there's surely some talent there that needs teasing out and shaping.