Transylvania's Got Talent by Dave Troop - Short, Comedy - After spending hundreds of years as the world's most dangerous vampire, Count Dracula decides he needs a career change and an image make-over. But, is becoming Transylvania's next stand-up comedy star the logical choice? 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

I enjoyed this short.  This read super fast. I laughed. I liked the names you picked for your characters. They're dialogue and actions 'fit' each one perfectly, IMO.  

Cute comedy!

Hi David,  good to see you here.

I hope you will get involved with reading and reviewing here.

Was this a MP entry, seems the right length?

This was a nice read and I think it has decent potential but it didn't quite hit the spot for me, although lots of good things. The idea of a monster talent contest seems to have good potential and the likes of Dracula falling flat again seems sound, just something didn't

I liked the hearing crickets moment.

I wondered whether the comedy would be better played out if he was hyper confident, then failed, then bribed/cheated them all? Just a thought.

Small point, but if Frankinstein is to be included, maybe that needs a small intro scene. The idiot line - wasn't sure on that.

On reflection I think this could do with a few extra pages to intro everybody and set up the scene more fully. I haven't entered a MP comp but I would imagine that is a common response.

All the best.

This was a cute read.  I didn't think this was LOL funny, but it was decent.  I agree with RD that this could be expanded a little.  Hell, double the length of it.


Phil

Hey Dave,

I enjoyed this short, it read super fast and was amusing.  I agree with previous posters that it could be extended a bit longer though.

The characters were good and I especially enjoyed Blackhead’s act, thought that was funny.  

It’s nice to know that these creatures of the night have some fun in their recreation time.

Good luck and keep writing.

Steve

Hey Dave,

Nice comedy. Was a fast read. I liked it a lot and think it would make a great skit.

Keep writing,

Peter

Dave

I liked the concept behind this, lots of potential but I found the execution lazy and full of cliches. Besides the actual central idea, the only time I got a laugh was when he repeated his "I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!"catchphrase after another failed joke, other than that this felt like an opportunity wasted.

The ending felt a bit tacked on too, merely an after-thought.

Keep at it, you've got the makings of a decent skit here.

Col.

Hello Dave,

I'm unsure if you're a regular contributor to the review forums.
However, some positive reviews and your script's brevity lured me in.

A breezy read of some skit worthy material.

Would be funny if the Count turned to comedy because he gets no respect, thanks to...
TWILIGHT!

Why he isn't roasting Twilight during his skit is beyond me. ;D

Regards,
E.D.

Hey David....I read this on MP and thought it was very entertaining.  Dracula's dialog is very clever.  As you must know by now, "skit" type entries don't do very well over there but maybe over here you can get someone interested in shooting it cus it would definitely make a funny short.  

hey Dave,

first and foremost, become a member of the boards and reply to our feedback. fellow posters will go much deeper in their critiques if you do.

figured i'll review this as we go along.

before even beginning, im a little bit biased. your logline made me groan and i'm not sure i like the subject matter. but other SS members have posted differently, so i'm giving this one a chance.

liked the "zombie pulling an arm/leg out of a hat and eating it" bit

what does the host look like? he should be a monster as well

at page 2 and ... i kind of like it. not hilarious, but enjoying myself. now i'm just thinking you have a shitty title. i would change it if i were you. like the idea of this being more like a talent show rather than a talent show with judges (and some stupid spoof of pierce morgan, howie mandell, etc)

frankenstein's talent could be a little more unique and/or funnier. interpretive dance perhaps?

not sure the whole mind control thing works. although some vampires use mind control, not sure that's the first thing that comes to mind when i think vampires. then again i'm not sure what else you could use to explain the ending.

you have a lot to work with. you completely left out werewolves, aliens, mummies, etc. see if any of that works for you as well. heck, even dracula's agent could be a monster.

overall, i enjoyed it. the ending fell a little flat for me, but overall, i was pleasantly surprised. nicely done.

Hello, everyone.

I just got my e-mail this morning informing me that my short had been posted.
So, I apologize if it seems I have not responded quickly enough to your comments.
Thanks, by the way, for your comments and suggestions.

This short was entered in Movie Poet's September contest.  It was my first entry ever in a competition, and I'm afraid it shows.
I received mostly good and very good reviews at the end of the voting period.  
The comments were similar to the comments here on SS.

I plan to take some comments and suggestions from both sites and do a re-write very soon and post it here on SS, since that window has now closed over on MP.

I am looking forward to reading and reviewing other shorts and features here on SS.

I believe there are other MP members on this site, so I feel I am among friends.

I am also a huge fan of the Babz Buzz monthly podcast here on SS, and I encourage you all to check that out.

Thanks again,
Dave

I agree that Twilight should have prompted some of Dracula's "jokes." Something along the lines of "Really? The girl's name is Bella? Who is she named after? Bela Lugosi?"

Which is another reason why I hate the damn Twilight series.

In my opinion, it was pretty great.
It's not the best thing I read, but I thoroughly enjoyed it from beginning to end.
I'm not too hot about the last line. I think you need a great one-liner to end on a high note.
I laughed as soon as the manager said "baby".
I was actually surprised at how good it was. I don't have much negative to say about it.
Congrats, sir.

Meh ... Dunno... Laughed once, but I can't remember when.  I felt the ending was pretty stiff -- As someone else said, "tacked on".  

I'd have Dracula walking on stage, but then having the host say something like "not you.  You can remain seated."  Then, if you wanted the whole hypnosis thing, have him take the stage and accept the trophy.  

I also don't see how they could be ready for the judging so quick.  Dracula gets done with his act and the dude's coming out with the trophy and stuff.  I'd flesh this out.  It is a cute story.  It's got some good stuff going on, but it was written so wooden.  The jokes all seemed like they came from Laffy Taffy wrappers too.

It reads to me like a scene from a Scooby Doo movie.  What you need is a dancing Werewolf to round it out, and someone HAS to say "Fang-tastic!", at some point.

I enjoyed it.  The concept is very good, but it needs more atmosphere.  I can see it, but it needs more depth to give it feeling.

Being a big fan of the Ed Wood movie, I appreciated Dracula's feelings toward Frankenstein.  What an idiot!  :)

This was okay but I was expecting Dracula to come out with some funny one-liners but he 'died', no pun intended.  It's a pretty cool idea but it need more 'f', funny moments.
Good effort

"The jokes all seemed like they came from Laffy Taffy wrappers too."

I actually liked how cheesy the jokes were. The fact that they were pretty stupid and simple, yet Dracula still messed them up. That is what made it funny for me. It has a very seedy, low budget talent show feel to it.

Quoted from Steex "The jokes all seemed like they came from Laffy Taffy wrappers too." I actually liked how cheesy the jokes were. The fact that they were pretty stupid and simple, yet Dracula still messed them up. That is what made it funny for me. It has a very seedy, low budget talent show feel to it.

Not exactly what I was getting at... The jokes seemed familar, as if they were lifted.  Maybe not, I dunno??  I don't eat laffy taffy these days.   They just didn't seem original.  I'm glad you enjoyed the script -- I like the "core" premise here myself, but the jokes were flat and familar even in the face of them meaning to be.  
I was sure we'd hear this one in the line up "why did dracula go to the doctor? --- For his coffin"
But hey, to make you feel better... I'm hard to please.  

Okay...
I agree with you there, Baltis.