Vlad by  Dino Zonetti - Horror, Fantasy, Action - This is a story of a man that has built a legacy of torture and bloodshed, and is considered a hero. 105 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Dino,

I had a quick peek and I have never seen so many “Fade in” and “Fade out” on one page.

The story is lacking IMO. All we see is “NUREMBERG CASTLE, GERMANY” on a black screen then fade out. It would be a cheap production I guess. ;D

You need to cut out all the directions and read some scripts on SS, read, read and keep reading is my advice.

Good luck and keep writing.

Steve

Wow...painful...seriously painful.

Sorry, but this is some very poor writing on display here, but then again, what should one expect when the title page reads, "Based on a true events"?

If English is not your first language, then I do apologize.  If you're younger than 6 years old, my apologies again, but anything else, and this is just not remotely acceptable.

Did you read what you wrote even 1 time?  If you did, how could you possibly submit this?

C'mon...take your work seriously.  Act like you give a fuck, or no one will.

I cracked this one open since I'm trying to write a vampire story at the moment myself. I read the first 15 pages...

If I had the time to point out things that should/could be done differently in this script, I would have had plenty to say, but I decided to ignore all the camera directions, typos, big blocks of text and so on. I tried to focus on the story only and as far as the story goes, it wasn't bad exactly, but pretty far from new. Your log line promises torture and horror, but the only thing of that nature I saw was on or near page 15 when the kid impales a hamster. I quit there because there wasn't really anything that intrigued me to go further.

IMHO, I would suggest tighten this script up and work a little more on characterization so we care about the characters. None of the characters grabbed me at all the way it is now.

Good luck and congrats on finishing a feature.