The Saga of Sadie Cade and Vi Montana by Timothy O. Riley (mitzjob) - Drama - Two good Mormon women from disparate backgrounds enter a legendary Mormon convent to rediscover their spirituality. What they find instead is their sexuality and the consequences of their forbidden love affair. Based on the book by Sage Sweetwater  100 pages - pdf, format 8)

Wow. This is a mess. Pity too. Not too sure if this is your first script - certainly isn't your first attempt at writing as you clearly have a creative edge - just not sure you've a great deal of experience is script-writing. Why start with adapting a book?  Probably better to start with some shorts to get hold of the knack of things first?

I don't want to put you off (that presupposes you actually have an interest), but I see script-writing as an adapted form of writing? So you can write, but you've not really put in any effort in adapting your writing style to suit a script.

Kind of sums up the 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing' saying for me. 2nd talking head. Where did you get your formatting knowledge from?

Hope to hear from you soon, 'cos it looks like you could pull something off - you've just not done it yet - with this script.

Simon

I agree, it's a bit of a mess, but that doesn't mean that it can't be fixed.
Just a couple of recommendations from the first few pages:
The title and your information needs to go on a seperate 'title page'. The first words of the script need to be 'FADE IN:' flush left.
Forget all of the camera cues, unless absolutely imperitive - directors don't want to be told how to direct.
Unless it is a full blow action sequence, eg: chase scene, you don't need to use single line paragraphs. You can group alot together, eg: Page 2 -
'He puts it through the machine and hands her a ticket, smiling, exposing his thick brown snaggletooth grin.'
Is Sadie the woman from the gas station? If so, she needs to be named then and given a small description.  
Parentheticals should be used sparingly and kept to one line. If the script flows properly the actors will know how to act it out and if there is more than one line used then it needs to be described in action. Eg:
                                       WOMAN
                                   (shyly)
                         Just one. They're all the numbers
                         of my family member's birthdays. I
                         feel lucky with the lord.

He amorously eyes off her attractive figure.

                                       CASHIER
                          Really? Well little lady...good luck.

TV TALKING HEAD? Mabye TV PRESENTER #1 and TV PRESENTER #2.
In it's current state it's hard to read and hard to understand as a screenplay, but with lots of work could be something good. Read a produced script and you should be able to pick up some hints.
Hope this helps.  :)

Since this is based on a book (with a very obscure title that I have never heard of) I decided to google the title and author. Apparently, Sage Sweetwater is a self confessed lesbian novelist, poet, storyteller, screenwriter and songwriter.

It also mentions that this book has been turned into a film and is in development with Triboro Pictures.

Writing fan based scripts is all well and good in terms of a screenwriting exercise, but you do not own the rights to the material (unless you buy them) and is a major studio were ever to green light a project based on a book or other source material, they would hire a credited screenwriter(s) to write the script.