Night Fall by Thomas R. Waters - Thriller, Murder Mystery - The story revolves around the arrival of Danny at Mrs. Bronson’s isolated country estate and the women he sleeps with, cons and kills! 114 pages - pdf, format 8)

Well, there's no way I'm reading through 133 pages of this...

The log-line needs a little attention, first off.

# A couple is having very strong sex.
-- This is your first line. It ain't a great start. You need to look at your is/are.

The first block of writing is  a large paragraph. It may help you to break this down a little.

# a jack knife that have fallen from a pocket.
-- You may need to think about how this will be shown.

I think, IMO, just my take on it, but there may be numerous issues with this script, and it may help you to have a good look at available resources that will help you to write better. 'Cos this needs a lot of work.

Paragraphs are too blocky and too descriptive. You should use single words, keep your descriptions lean, its easier to read and more fluid. The first 10 pages arent really engaging enough, its all abit too talky, maybe introduce a couple of different, shorter scenes to spread it out.
Good Luck mate

First off - I liked the setting, but the writing definitely needs a lot of work.
I only read the first ten pages, sorry.
Try keeping scene action to four or five lines max.
The second page is blank?
The stars on the right hand side of the pages are very annoying.
There is no need for a header on each page.
The man in the first scene is obviously very important to the script - you need to name him so that the director knows who is in the scene - the woman is unimportant and can be left as WOMAN.
Ages need to better specified, eg: 40's or an exact age, not 40ish.
The first line of dialogue is 'Fuck!' - I don't know whether that really works - I know  you're trying to character set, but maybe something softer? Character set in the description.
You only need to capitalise a characters name the first time they are in the script.
In the third scene - Bradley walks or jogs?
Parenthesis need to go under names, before dialogue and not inbetween it.

That is just a few - not trying to be harsh, just hoping this will better your writing.
My best advice would be re-read then re-read again.
Hope this helps.   :)

I'm asking those that looked at an earlier draft of Night Fall to have another look at the slimmed down revision of the original posting...112 pages vs 133!
Thanks,
TRW

Hi Thomas.  I was able to read the first 10 pages, and some of your description is a bit too much.  For instance   BETSEY FROHMAN, running, you describe the brand of her shoes and sports bra.   The dialogue goes on for days too.

Also, you states it's a murder-mystery, but the logline seems to take the mystery out of it... but I've only read 10 pages.

I'm a newbie screenwriter, and I would like to recommend a book for you.  It helped me out.

David Trottier The Screenwriter's Bible.   Great book.

Dawn

"A young man arrives at an isolated country estate where the cons come as fast as the kills."

This is without reading your script and just tightening your logline to somewhat acceptable form.   Think about it.  A cohesive, yet vauge enough to question logline is what gets people interested.