Hey everybody.

Just wanted to post a link to a short of mine that was made from here if any are interested.  I posted it originally as 'God's Empty Acre' and since then, has gone through a couple title changes.  The official version is 'Girl(s)'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7uVcRBYb_A

Hope everybody enjoys it.

Hey Mark,

It warms the soul to see SSers making good in the industry.
You already know my thoughts on this...
Hold your head high, sir.

Makaylah is a force of nature....
She's got Sazha written all over her.
Stay in touch with that girl.

Regards,
E.D.

Hey Mark.

Just watched this and it's very good. You must be very happy with the way it turned out.
Congrats, mate.

Hey Brett and Anthony.

Thanks very much for checking it out.  Glad you guys liked it.

The director nailed down the atmosphere I was going for perfectly, so I am pretty happy with it.

And Makayla was a perfect cast choice.  She did excellent.  And she's only 12!  I just learned that yesterday.

Thanks again, guys.

Good stuff!

Is the script for this still on the site?

Is this guy going to make Thistles?  He should.  

Good work, Mark! This is powerful stuff. I remember the script now. I especially thought the lack of music helped drive home the heaviness of the material. Very well acted, except for maybe the nurse who was trying to explain everything, she seemed nervous and fumbled some lines. Maybe that's what the director was shooting for, though.

Anywho, congrats, it's a good feeling to get a short filmed and see your name on it, isn't it???

James


EDIT: Btw, why did they change the name??? Huge mistake IMO...

Mark

I wanted to let you know I watched it yesterday, but the dialogue did not come through well on my computer. I had trouble understanding what was being said. I could get the concept from the video, definitely could see inspiration for Thistles. I am fairly sure, based on what I'm hearing, that there is demand for scripts of this nature. Intense drama. Should be just a start for ya!

Hey Mark,

That was a top notch production. man. Great story, great performances. Be proud, buddy.

I liked the original title better though but what the hell.

Rob

Hey Michael.

Thanks for watching. Glad you liked it.  No, its not on the site anymore, but I'm going to ask the director, Jason Lyle Garrett, if I can post it on the site again for anyone who might be interested in comparing and contrasting the script and film. (It was a 16 page script.  I think Jason did a real good job shoving it all into 9 minutes without losing any of the power of the story.)

Lol.  I haven't showed Garrett  Thistles, but wouldn't argue his case if he wanted to do it. Thanks again Michael.


Hey James.

Thanks for taking a look.  Yeah, I loved the lack of music in it, too. It really did make the story all that more powerful.

And I'm with you on the part of the nurse. Jason did say that he wanted her part to be more uppity, which I can understand because some people have said that it made her part even creepier. But to me, those fumbled lines really stick out.

As for the name change, 'God's Empty Acre' made sense in the short story, but wouldn't relate in the filmed version, so I understand that.  But, in all honesty, I have an untitled feature in the works  and God's Empty Acre would fit that perfectly as a title.

Thanks again, James.

Hey Kev.

Actually, believe it or not, Thistles I started writing about two years before I wrote this. In this story, I even wrote Brandi as seventeen or eighteen, and I never specified what race she was. (Although she was black in my head)

It just happens to be a total coincidence that the director cast a 12 year old who would be perfect for Sazha. (I wonder if 'Thistles' ever gets made, if  Jason Garret will get a casting credit. (Of course, as you can imagine, Thistles will definately need a cleanup and rewrite if a 12 year old is involved.

Hmm. Sorry about the audio. I wonder what the problem was. Hope it didn't ruin it for you too much. Thanks for checking it out, though.


Hey Rob!

What's been up?  Thanks for the compliments.  Yeah, I like the original title, too. But I can see how it wouldn't be clear in the film.

On the bright side though, if we ever get a chance to collab on that big budget film, we'll be able to title it God's Empty Acre now!

Thanks again to everybody!

Hey Mark, checked this out as well.

Impressive stuff.

I am working on a "non linear short script", backwards to me,  myself at the moment. Any tips or good scripts to look at (other than memento)?

I must check how you wrote your script but do you point out it each scene was before or let the reader work that out.

Well done.

Cheers

Hey Reef.  (Sorry, I'm not too sure of your real name right now, but I'll be checking out 'At the Junction' very soon, so I'll figure it out soon enough.)

Thanks for taking a look-see.  Glad you liked it.

Hmm, any other good scripts without traditional time lines?

Just off the top of my head, 'Pulp Fiction' comes to mind.  That's very non-linear.  I read the script about 12 years ago, but I don't think I recall it pointing out when there's been a time jump.  And I should note, I only read the shooting script, not the spec, if there was one.

'Go' is another movie that comes to mind, though I never read the screenplay.  You might want to check that out for any helpful tips.  It's been awhile since I've seen that one, too, but I believe they SUPERIMPOSE when the scene's taking place, but I don't know how they did it in the script.

If you'd like, you can PM me your e-mail address and I could send you the original spec for this script.  (I had to take it off SS during production.)

When I first posted this as a script, I let the reader work out that the story was actually going backwards... but only about half of everybody who read it figured out the timeline.  I wrote another draft and in the slugs, I put 'EVENING' for the first scene, 'AFTERNOON' for the second scene, and 'MORNING' and 'EARLY MORNING' for the rest, and everybody was catching on after that without having to be told.

(I also put a SLAM CUT TO BLACK, followed by a line of dialogue over black to make it clear there was a time change.  The film didn't follow that structure, (not the entire time), but it was still enough I don't think the viewer would get lost.)

So far, all the 'regular people' who've watched the film I've talked to didn't have any trouble following the story, so it must've just been something getting lost in the read that some people couldn't figure it out.

As a tip, I'd say let somebody take a quick read of your story and if they're able to follow it, let the reader figure it out.  If the person gets lost, drop clues, probably in the slugs, that it's non-linear.

Thanks again for letting me know what you thought, Reef.

- Mark

Really enjoyed the movie and will check the script out when I get time.  I thought I felt the main doctor (Dr Sheby I think I heard her called) was a weak link and didn't give a great performance but all the others were INCREDIBLE.  
The red haired nurse's inappropriate apathy was chilling!  As if she had been numbed to it already.
Good work.

Hey Darren.

Thanks for checking out the film and glad to hear you enjoyed it.  The script's not actually up on SS anymore.  I had to take it off during production.  (The director did contact me because he saw it on SimplyScripts, though.  I'm going to see if it's okay if I post it back up for anyone who's interested in noticing the changes from script to screen.  (Maybe I'd be able to post the director's shooting script, too.)  Not too sure what Don would think of it, either, since it's already been produced.  But if you'd like, I could shoot you over the script in an e-mail.

Dr. Shell was actually the gynie's name in the film, (in the script, she was Dr. Kushell.)  My main main problem I had with her was actually just one of her lines...  "Yes, Brandi.  Your baby is dead."  That kind of seemed like a line out of Days of Our Lives.  (It wasn't in the script.) I wonder if it's that line that really dampened her character for you.  (I know it did me.)

Lol.  Another person who likes the red-haired nurse!  Personally, I didn't like her performance at all when I first saw it.  Now, a lot of people have been saying how much they like her and how creepy her part is.  Maybe it's just me knowing the story so well and I'm too focused on the couple times she stumbled.

But thank you very much, Darren, for your thoughts and comments.

Welp,

'Girl(s)' premiered over the weekend at the Sistas 2012 film festival in LA.

Word from the director is that the film went over really well.  He said the audience was really emotionally into it, moaning and sighing.

(Lol.  Usually, moaning and sighing is a sign that the film's boring, but in my stories, I take moans and sighs as compliments.  :-)

After the screening, there was a Q&A and the director, Jason Garret, said the actress who played Brandi, Makayla Porter, was flooded with compliments.  They were really surprised at how powerful she was and really surprised at how young she was.

She deserves all the compliments.  I think she did extraordinary.

Just watched your film.   Final acene actually got me choked up.  You should be proud of that script.   A+

Hey Michael.

Thanks for checking this one out, and I'm glad that you liked it.

It's been a while since I heard what's been going on with it and just got an e-mail a couple days ago that it was submitted to the San Diego Film Festival, and we should find out in December if it's accepted or not.

Thanks for checking it out again.

- Mark

Hey other Mark who is not me,

What the hey??? I noticed in fancy red letters that "Girls" won a Best Film Award... that's freaking awesome. :)

Congratulations!!!

Jealous other Mark who is me :D

Congrats, Mark.

Gabe

Hey other Mark and Gabe,

Thank you.  I was excited when I got the e-mail from the director, Jason Garrett, over the weekend.  I've been trying to look up a little more about the festival but haven't had too much time to get online.

Nevertheless, it still made me smile and breathe deeply.

- Mark

Well done Mark

Congrats on the win, Mark!

That's a resume builder! ;D
You must be proud.

I got burned on my short script deal.
But I'm thrilled to see yours come to fruition.
And garner the praise and awards it deserves.

Keep being you!

Regards,
Brett

Hey Mark,

Congrats on the award.

Also, I've just watched the short and thought it was great - very powerful.

Well done, buddy. :)

Thanks Bill, Brett and Steve!

Quoted from E.D. I got burned on my short script deal.

Are you talking about 'Lie Detector'?  That sucks.  I'm sorry to hear it.  Wasn't there some talk of turning it into a feature at some point, too?  Hope that's not nixed.

Quoted from Coop I've just watched the short and thought it was great - very powerful.

Thanks again, Steve.  This was one of my favorite and most personal scripts of mine there for awhile.  (Now I have others).


And thanks, Don, for posting about it.  And Michael, for embedding it on the thread!

Also thanks to everybody who had read it before and commented on the script before I redrafted it and sold it.  I know the thread's no longer here, but I remember Brett, Rob (sniper), Michael (screenrider) had all commented on it and thanks to Jeff (dreamscale) and Libby for also taking a look at it at one point or another.

Also thank you to-

Holy crap!  Really?  Don's playing orchestra music to let me know I've overstayed my welcome.

Thank you Simply Scripts!

Glad to see this on the homepage and congrats for the win. You write very harsh and real stuff Youngstown. I love this film. Sorry I didn't hammer the script before it was optioned. Your stuff rarely slips by my radar.

You sold it? Damn, I still haven't made a cent. I'm firing my mom as my agent.

James

Mark,

Congratulations!  I apologize for talking so long getting vid up on the main site and SS FB page.  I'm more than happy to promote any film that had the script workshopped on SimpyScripts.

Don

Great job buddy!

You deserve every kudo...

Shawn.....><

Wow, Mark.

Powerful piece of writing, man.  I'll have to check out the script.  Congrats on getting this filmed.

Johnny

Wow! Just watched this. Another one made of a very high calibre. Can see why this just got an award.

The story packs a punch and pulls at the heartstrings all at the same time. Excellent casting with the young girl too.

Congrats to you, Mark.

Thanks everybody for the warm congratulations.

Quoted from James McClung You sold it? Damn, I still haven't made a cent.

Oh yeah, baby.  Mid-to-low two digits.  That's actually why I had to ask Don to take it down, because I didn't have the rights anymore.  (I see why now, after what happened to Dan and a couple other people.  If anybody else had made it during the interim, it would've been disqualified from any festivals.)


Once again, Don, thank you very much for the Simply Scripts site.  I've said it before, I hope you realize how many careers you're kickstarting here.


And thanks, Shawn.  How's your feature coming along?  I remember you saying it was close not too long ago.

Hey John.

Thank you very much for the compliment.  I had to take the script down, but if you'd still like to lake a look (I love comparing filmed versions to the original script, I could shoot it over to you.)  The director, Jason Garrett, (not the Dallas Cowboys head coach), stayed very true to the script, making only minor changes here and there, for the most part.


Hey Libby.

Thanks for taking a look!  I'm surprised I never told you it was filmed before and how it turned out.

Quoted from LC Excellent casting with the young girl too.

She was awesome.  In my eyes, she carried the movie great.

Actually, a little secret...  I had most of 'Thistles' done before I even had the thought about writing 'God's Empty Acre'.  But now, whenever I go back to look at 'Thistles', I can't see anybody else in the part of Sazha but Makayla Porter.  (Unfortunately, because of her young age, I think it'd be illegal to have her in 'Thistles' the way it's written, though.)


Thanks again to everybody.

Yeah, send it my way if you could.  johnny.diaz43@yahoo.com

I gotta take a look at Thistles too.  I keep passing it but I'll time this weekend to read it.  Take care.

Mark,

Congrats on the film. Happy to see it took first place at the 2013 Winter Shorts Film Festival. You're a great writer and it looks like your hard work is finally paying off.

Best of luck,

- Dirk

Hey Dirk.

Thank you very much.  I don't think it actually took first place.  I'm not sure quite how festivals work, but I think it just won one of their categories for best film.

I can't remember off the top of my head which one the director said, (I was too excited at the time to remember), and I don't have a Facebook account to check, and it appears that's the only place they announced it.

I don't even know if it'll get one of those intellectual-looking wheat frames or not.

Looks like I have to start a Facebook account when I get off work here in a bit.

Thanks again, Dirk.

Hey Mark!

That's awesome! I can imagine you must be so excited right now.

It's great to see other writers doing well for themselves. You deserve an award to one of your scripts that got filmed :)

Dan

Thanks, Dan.

I hear you're drumming up some business for people.  Good for you for trying to get things swinging.

- Mark

Very nice story, Mark.

I really liked your lead girl - she did a wonderful job. And so did her mother.

Is she that young in real life too?

And where to read the script?

Hey Khamanna.

Thank you very much.

I agree, Makayla Porter was awesome.  She's even younger in real life.  She was 12 when this was shot, which would make her 13 now.

I had to take the script off the site, but if you'd like to take a look at it, (the director stayed pretty true to the script, just tightened stuff up here and there), let me know and I'll e-mail it on over to you.

Thanks again, Khamanna.

Hey Mark

Fantastic short film bro! The crew did a very good job and the actors (esp. the young lead) rocked. Raw and real, you have a knack for it IMO.

And congrates on the festival win. You never know, more may be on the way.

HGW

Hey Hugh!  Long time no talk!

Thank you for taking a look.  Yeah, Makayla did great.  I can't stop saying how well she portrayed the character I had in my head.

Quoted from Hugh You never know, more may be on the way.

I can't wait until the other scripts I have in production right now get rolling.

Thanks again, Hugh.

Quoted from rc1107 I had to take the script off the site, but if you'd like to take a look at it, (the director stayed pretty true to the script, just tightened stuff up here and there)

Oh, yeah - I'd like that. But only if it's at no trouble, if you're not allowed and all that I totally understand.

This was really well done, I enjoyed watching and didn't want it to end.  Great acting too. Congrats on this Mark.

Hey Khamanna.

No problem.  I'll send it over to you in the morning.


Hey Steve.

First of all, welcome to the site and thank you very much for checking it out.  I'm happy you enjoyed it.

Also, I haven't read the script for 'Air', but I remember when it was posted (who could forget a logline like that?  Great job!)  Sorry I never got the chance to check out the script, but congratulations on getting it into production.  I've only had a chance to skim through the website, but you must be excited to see this story come to life.  I hope it all works out for you.

- Mark

I thought I'd give this a look!

Wow, Mark.  This was pretty neat.  As you know, I love these stories, and your story was great. :)

For 12 when it was made, the girl who played Brandi was really good.  Her mother, also, I thought was good.

The argument in the car I thought was good too. :)

Overall, a great short.  And I love the title. :). Congrats on this fantastic achievement!

-- Curt

Hey Curt.

Thanks for checking it out.  Makayla did a wonderful job as Brandi.

'Thistles' is in talks of possibly getting picked up, (there's still a little way to go), and I'm going to fight like crazy to try and get Makayla the part of Sazha if it does.

Anyway, what's funny, is in the original script for this, at the end, I actually have Brandi start to say S- and then the film cuts out.  Just like in your script when Francine went to say A- before she got cut off.  I just thought that was a funny coincidence how we both used that same device.

Thanks again for checking it out.  I'm glad you liked it.

- Mark

She really did.

I hope all goes well with Thistles, great screenplay.  I wonder though if the actress would be comfortable with the role, I bet she would be though, Sazha is an amazing introvert character, and her because the role would be hard for any actress.  Good luck though! :)

Well, they do say great minds think alike, Mark.  Lol. :P I thought it was a great device as well, so yeah, I also find it cool we both did that.

-- Curt

Dude,
How proud you must feel!  Never got a chance to read the script, but the short film was devastating and powerful in its simplicity.  I started to watch again and cringed because it's almost like watching that car crash on the road.  Hard to look away.
I've always felt, personally, that death can be beautiful and heartbreaking.  This film -- and I'm sure the script, as well -- was both.
Congrats!
Regards,
Steve

Hey Steve!

Thanks for having a look!

Welcome to Simplyscripts.  I don't think I've ever ran into you before.  You got anything posted?  If so, let me know.

Anyway, thank you very much for the wonderful compliments.  I'm glad you liked it, and was able to find the beauty beyond the tragedy.

Hope to be reading yours soon.

- Mark

I've read some of your work Mark and I think you're an undeniable talent. I haven't read God's Empty Acre, but I did watch the film (Girls) and was impressed. I can definitely tell you wrote it, as it fits the subject matter/genre that I'm used to seeing you write (only a few shorts I've read though).

The lead actress was especially impressive.

Looking forward to seeing more of your work on screen!

-- Michael

Hey Michael.

Thanks for checking it out.  I'm glad you liked it.  I loved Makayla in the part.  She nailed it.

Quoted from spesh Looking forward to seeing more of your work on screen!

It should be very soon, if everything works out to plan.  Actually, I think I've told you before, I can't wait to watch 'Suicide Theory'.  It looks promising.  I wish I had seen it years ago when it was on the site.

- Mark

Hey Everbody.

I'm a little late on the announcement, but I just wanted to say 'Girl(s)' won Best Drama Film at the 2013 World Independent Film Expo.

It was also nominated as Best Film, but fell short to 'Consignment'.

I've been really busy since I've been back to work and I've got contracted out to write a couple small features for a company, but I hope to find some time in the coming weeks to get back and do more reading on the site.

I hope everybody's doing good and I hope to be talking to you soon.

- Mark

Quoted from rc1107 I'm a little late on the announcement, but I just wanted to say 'Girl(s)' won Best Drama Film at the 2013 World Independent Film Expo. It was also nominated as Best Film, but fell short to 'Consignment'.

Great news, my friend.  We're all happy for you.

Ghost

Congratulations Mark! On all the good news!  8)

Yes!  Congrats, Mark!

-- Curt

Thanks, Ghostie and Pia and Curt!

I'm still excited to checkout 'Finders Keepers' and 'Blackout', by the way.

FANTASTIC NEWS MARK!!!!!

Great job man.

You deserve it

Shawn.....><

Hey Shawn.

Thanks for the thumbs up.  Hopefully I'll be saying the same thing to you come Nichols time.  :-)

Hey Mark, seriously good news and reflective of a deep and powerful script.

Well done.

Quoted from rc1107 I'm a little late on the announcement, but I just wanted to say 'Girl(s)' won Best Drama Film at the 2013 World Independent Film Expo.

Good stuff! :)

Congrats, Mark.

Hey Bill and Steve.

Sorry I missed your posts the first time around.

Thanks for the congrats!

- Mark