One Scary Night by Grace A. Flynn - Short, Comedy - Two men spend the night in a motel that turns out to be one creepy place. 5 pages - pdf, format 8)

I've read a couple of your scripts previously, and I've left some comments - but you don't really seem to make an appearance here. There's isn't a great improvement on what you have done previously - and without any interaction - I don't see how this is going to get any better.

It's not a good script, and you need to get involved if you want to get better.

Tons of stuff going on in this short 5 pages script -- Little of it being any good.  But it's not to say you don't have a story here.  You do.  Your problems stem from a lack of solid formatting skills.

LY adverbs everywhere... 2 in the 1st passage.

You got long 15 line action blocks.

Orphans here and there.

Janky dialogue that is just barely serviceable and little more.  There is nothing here to invest in.

Telling way, way too much and not showing.  The "hours later" bit -- That's for books and cartoons/comics.

(continued) at the tops and bottoms of your pages.


This is all just in 5 pages... I'd be pretty put off reading a feature, or even a 30 pager in this style.   You should be writing books, not screenplays.  That's my advise here.   And even still ....