A Thousand Words by Phillip Scott - Short, Drama - A family packs the belongings of a deceased loved one as more than the family remembers her. 5 pages - pdf, format 8)

First off - I really liked the storyline and I really think you have something here. I love old pictures and wanted to know more about the people in them.

With that said - formatting definitely needs fixing and so does your logline.

FADE IN?

Big chunky blocks of description are a no-no. For instince - the second block of description on page 2 is 10 lines long, the fourth one on page 3 is 9 lines and the first one on page 4 is seventeen - the longest I've ever seen. They need to be no more than 3 to 4, 5 max in one hit. This is standard and will make for an easier read if you break them up a bit.

In your first line of description you don't need to add 'at a house of a deseased woman'. Blankets over the furniture are a clear indicator and quickly into the dialogue it becomes apparent.

'Doug sits' where? On the floor? A couch?

'Two women, DIANA (25) and SARAH (32) walk in carrying boxes. Obvious sisters, they share a sad look to them.'
Could be tighened to: DIANA (25) and SARAH (32) enter carrying boxes. They sadly glimpse at each other.
'Sisters' is unfilmable and we get the gist when Sarah says 'Mom' and later in the photos. You also don't have any character descriptions. What are these people like?

'Sarah picks up a picture of a boy fishing in black and white.
SARAH (CONT'D)
Who is this?
DIANA
That looks like dad when he was a
kid.'
Is Sarah's line necessary as it made me stop reading to think about whether Sarah should already know who is in the picture. I know you want to state that it was their father before the pictures start to merge but maybe just a change to them both remeniscing over the photo of their dad?

'The lift the photo and place it over the Older
Mother and the Young Mother comes to life.'
I'm assuming 'The' is They. I didn't understand, with all the other photos of people being alive, why Young Mother wouldn't already be alive. Maybe the idea could be that both Mothers touch hands and then become one.

CONTINUOUS at the end of each slug line will be frowned upon - not necessary where you have them and not needed in a spec - your script will flow nicely without them.

Ahh - the logline - is confusing and doesn't sound finished - this will not get your script read. It could be something like: When a family packs the belongings of a deceased love one, old pictures come to life, inevitably making a magical family reunion.

Forgive me for being very critical, but as I said - I really like this storyline and
overall I can see you doing a lot more with this and dragging it out a little in each photo to make a longer story, maybe even a full feature.

Hope this helps. :)

Renee

I like the concept her, although to me, it seems more like a KODAK commercial.
There are some typos. And there are parts where the action/description is WAY too blocky. You really need to break some of it up.

Overall, it's a pretty decent piece.
It has some heart. Some feeling. And it seems pretty well thought out.

Good job.