Souffle So Good by Charles Borchard - Short, Comedy, Horror - What do you get when you mix Zombies and Cooking? A recipe for success!  5 pages - pdf, format 8)

Ah, this is nice.  No Slugs, no FADE IN, no FADE OUT, no nothing.  3 pages of...well...I'm not sure.

Charles, I'd advise you to read up on how to write a screenplay, read scripts in here, leave feedback and get to know some peeps, and learn how to properly format and write a script.

Best of luck to you.  

The Souffle may very well be good ... Your script; that's another matter all together.  

Jeff sums it up well, but I'll echo it just so you know, for future reference, this is exactly "NOT" the way you wanna write a screenplay.  

Points of interest

-- I don't know what pretend abs are.  You might wanna say something along the lines of

"MIKE wears an apron etched with chiseled abs."

Something like that...  or even use the word "embroidered".  Something other than gives him make-believe abs, or pretend abs, or whatever abs that aren't real but are still there is suppose to mean.  


--  Insane, on the nose dialogue made of oak.

JIM
Yeah, don�t forget to close the
door behind you on your way out.
That�s an accident waiting to
happen.

MARK
There are hundreds and thousands of
the undead waiting to eating my
mortal flesh out there, and your
telling me about accidents? You
sure you don�t want a slice of the
action?



-- You really should do a stylized montage for your egg timer sequence.



-- LY words.... everywhere.

Why couldn't your page 2 passage read like this

Excited, Jim rubs his hands together.  He bends down to
see the Souffle, which has risen and bronzed over.

??

Excitedly
Broadly
Silently
Barely
Possibly
Delicately
Blankly
Acutely
Carefully
Quickly
Painstakingly

You are an offender of all of the above --  These are called Adverbs.  Adverbs with LY on the end of them.  Children love using them.  Adults think of more clever ways to say things.

http://www.users.qwest.net/~yarnspnr/writing/adverbs/adverbs.htm

That's a good link that'll really drive the point home.


-- You end on page 4 with 3 lines... No "FADE OUT" and no "THE END".  Ends like it begins I suppose.

But, all is not lost... You have a 3 page short here and you took the time to write it and that's tops.  I hope you use the info you are given here to craft future works and go off to sell a multi-million dollar movie someday.  Don't quit or get discouraged by any of the feedback you get... People are reading.  That's the main thing.

interesting premise.  I always like character's attempts at "normalcy" in zombie-apocolypse films (like trying to find Twinkies), as much as the hyper-realism of the desperate situation individuals face. You've got a few good puns; though, I fear, some may not deliver as well as they read...  Ask a friend to help you make an audio recording, delivering the lines, and see... umm, hear...  

The technical stuff has been covered well above by two knowledgable, regular posters (in a much better way than a new poster like me can likely do)...

While they might seem harsh, at first, they are right; and the best thing you can do is read widely (especially shorts) to get the structure correct (even practice writing up your favourite scenes from your favourite movies).  It looks like you are using scripting software (perhaps Celtx?), ensure you use the formatting drop down as your guide (generally; after the first four -  they are in order of chance you'd use them) - especially the first four; Scene Heading, Action, Character, Dialogue - these are your bricks and mortar... you've made some attempt at formatting; but it is incomplete.  

Oh, Mark's second dialogue - check your/you're...

Thanks for the feedback everyone. This has been a valuable learning experience for me. I have been using Cltx to format my work, should I not?

Celtx is fine, but you're not using it properly. Celtx will format slug lines, actions lines, dialogue, etc. Based on what you've written, it looks like you just started writing it without breaking up the story with different slugs.

Here's the Celtx wiki for your reference:

http://wiki.celtx.com/index.php?title=Main_Page

Section 14 discusses most of Celtx's formatting functions.