Liceman’s Interview by James Celona - Short, Comedy - Fred goes for a job interview. 4 pages - pdf, format 8)

I could imagine the two interviewers very well and  you did a good job of showing their discomfort - I think I too started to itch at times!

But...I didn't find it very funny. Maybe.....Mr Liceman is in fact Ms Bale's dad....she is therefore ultra-embarrassed....and the punch line could be when Fred hugs her and says "Well, my feisty daughter - what time can I expect you for supper tonight?"

Anyhow, good effort - but try and think up a suitable (and unexpected) punch line.

I didn't get too much comedy out of this one.  I understand the awkward situation and the absurdity of it all, but it's just missing the mark.

I did like his résumé though.

yeah, this misses the mark.

I like absurd comedy but there is still usually a point. Doesn't seem to be one here. OK he's a misfit, unaware, but why is he there?

Usually in this type of scene the "chap" believes he's the  right person and has a story to prove it - it's missing.

all the best

Great resume!
I always love a Mookie Wilson reference.
It actually make me laugh out loud a little.
Also, in that sentence you accidentally put "you're" instead of "your".

Other than that, it didn't seem like a complete script. It just sort of ends. There isn't really a point. It didn't go anywhere.
If you're writing a short or even a decent sized scene, you should go about it like writing an entire script. You need an intro, the meat and a climax.
This seemed more like an outline to me. Just you writing three people talking, seeing where it goes, but no actual structure.

The Mookie/resume joke is funny enough that I kind of suspect that was all you had.

That little gem popped into your head -- and then you wrote a scene around it.

Unfortunately the one good gag is not quite enough here.  This needs a payoff to work.

Right now it just kind of limps off the stage.

This felt more like a scene rather than a story.

It came off more as though there was a story before and after it and you kinda cut the two ends off.

Kudo's for writing a short and do keep writing. In the future, try to make sure there is a payoff in the end though.

Shawn.....><

I agree with the others in that the resume line was funny, but the script didn't seem to have much of a point. I think it should have had something more to it and a better ending.

Hey James,

Full marks for the Mookie Wilson remark.
But the rest of this didn't feel very skit worthy.
It needs more to justify the page count IMO.
Didn't feel the "elephant in the room" factor that drives awkward comedy.

Regards,
E.D.

Very true.
The comparison to the skit for me, is when I would come up with an idea for something that might be skit worthy, I would just sit down and write what some characters might say to each other. I didn't always know where it was going and it never had a great beginning or even an ending.

This "script" here, has that sort of feel to me. Just an idea of a guy giving a terrible job interview. It is more of a concept than an actual skit. It seems that it has yet to be fully realized.

And also, I agree, the page count is minuscule. I definitely would NOT have uploaded this.

It just reads like something from the old Saturday Night Live -- Jane Curtin and Chevy Chase conducting the interview, Garrett Morris the MAN who leaves, then Dan Aykroyd as Liceman.  Those old skits had no more depth or structure than this.  I first thought of Bill Murray as Liceman, but it really feels more like Aykroyd.

How would he get an interview in the first place?

A lot of the jokes missed for me. Seemed like a little bit of a set up with no pay off. No complete story, just a scene, a skit if you will.

Some thing's should be kept under-wraps until more can accompany it.  Just wasn't there for me.  None of it.  I got like a Rob Schneider assy taste from it... Maybe even a Will Ferrell one.  Just not funny whatever it is.

Comedies are hard to pull for several reasons, but when you rely on your dialogue for all the laughs -- That's the real trouble.  Everything has to be funny.  The way it's worded, the way things are set up.  Everything.  You can't just have some punchlines in dialogue and say "hey, that would be funny if so and so would deliver the lines."  

A good comedy script has character and charm all the way through.  This script had, I guess from what everyone else is saying, a funny one off... but I didn't really laugh, so maybe it's just me.

Hey James,

I’m afraid this didn’t work for me at all. I found it boring and not at all funny but comedy is subjective like they say so take it with a pinch of salt. It also felt like it ended mid-scene and I would have made the ending more dramatic or funny for a better ending. Just a thought as the ending leaves a major impression on the reader but to be honest, they have to get there first right. ;D

I think the writing on the whole could do with a lot of work. A lot of awkward sentences IMO.

I haven’t seen you around but if you’re interested I’ll be to elaborate on what didn’t work for me technically.

Good luck and keep writing. :)

Steve

Hi James.

I'm sorry to say but this just didn't do anything for me whatsoever. As someone else already mentioned, this just seems more like a scene rather than a film. I was expecting some sort of payoff, but it just kind of limped to an ending. The whole thing just doesn't go anywhere IMO.

I realise that the situation itself is very absurd, but as for being funny? Not for me i'm afraid.
Comedies are very hard to write and tend to divide many people, so perhaps this just wasn't for me.

It seemed like it might be going somewhere, but then it didn't - unfortunately.

I agree with TheUsualSuspect, too. Even highly qualified job applicants often don't manage to get invited to be interviewed. Fred probably wouldn't have made it to the interview stage.

James

Try to keep your action lines to blocks of four at a time, and if possible to three. Anything more reeks of amateurism. Other then that, the format and writing is pretty solid.

I have to say I was laughing along with this, the shoddy appearance and blasé attitude of the aptly named Liceman in contrast to the stuck up Fitch and Bale was amusing. I’m always on the side of people who fly in the face of political correctness and the business snobbery that goes hand in hand with big corporations so I was lapping it up.

His retelling of where he said hello to Mr. Fitch and current job situation was great as was Ms. Bale’s description of his resume. I don’t know who Mookie Wilson is but boy did the name make me laugh.

Unfortunately, you don’t have a complete story here, it’s not even a complete sketch as its minus any sort of ending. The punch line just doesn’t quite live up to the rest of it, in my opinion.

On the basis of this, it seems you’ve got a flair for comedy, there is some good lines in here and funny characters which almost recall Woody Allen in his early days and I can’t offer a more flattering compliment then that. However, you need to work on providing a satisfying payoff to do it justice.

Best of luck

Col.

I agree that this is a scene more than anything, but I did chuckle a time or two.