Quest for Meaning in the Mojave by Edith Cory Cooper - Drama -  A partially crippled mother of five boys, feeling useless within her family, seeks fulfillment outside the home, when a terrifying incident forces her to search for new meaning in her life. 120 pages - html, format 8)

Hello Edith - this seems to be okay, but there are lot of hefty chunks of description - maybe they could be broken down some.

I think the slugs will need a little bit of work.

Overall, I felt that it needs tightening up all over - feels like you are using way to many words to describe fairly simple scenes.

Good luck with it.

Hi Edith, looking at the first few pages, this does need some work -  cut descriptions to 3 or 4 lines not 7, sluglines need to end in DAY or NIGHT otherwise eg: NIGHT (LATER), but later would only need to be added if the slug before it was in the same location. Times eg: 10:00pm can be put in description others in SUPERIMPOSE: 10:00pm below the slugline, but where you have it could just be left as NIGHT in the slug. Use wrylies sparingly, most of the time they are not needed and some of the ones in your first couple of pages could be used as one line of description instead. Sometimes these things can be overlooked when the story draws you in with gripping dialogue, but in this case it is very 'on the nose'.  

Not trying to offend, I just hope this helps.

Good Luck.

Renee