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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Series  /  The Idiots Next Door
Posted by: Don, May 18th, 2012, 7:02am
The Idiots Next Door Pilot by Rishi Mathur - Series, Comedy - Two college grads who have their back against the wall and decide to start their own company.  18 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Abeoldieboy, June 21st, 2012, 1:48pm; Reply: 1
You might need to change a few things.

EX:

ACT 1

SCENE A

EXT. GOAT PARK CHESS TABLE : EARLY NOON

This whole slug needs work.  You might want to change it to something like this.

ACT 1

SCENE A

FADE IN:

EXT. GOAT PARK  - DAY


And then you can describe the chess table in the action line.

                                   ****

Rishi calls back to little brother in an attempt to redeem himself in their eyes.


This is not an action line.


Spec scripts don't need  CREDITS.


You put:

EXT. GOAT PARK PLAYGROUND BENCH : AFTERNOON

The correct way is:

EXT. GOAT PARK - PLAYGROUND - DAY

You can describe the bench in the action lines.

You should try to trim the dialogue.  In screenwriting, Less is more.

When you introduce a new character their name should be in caps.

WRONG: (Chelsea)

CORRECT: CHELSEA

Let the girl remain anonymous until someone calls her by her name. I've noticed that you do not describe characters ages. This needs to be done for every character.

This whole thing needs a rewrite. I did get some good laughs out of it though.


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