I Am My Enemy by Rockland Mazaar (rmaze) - Sci Fi, Fantasy - A man obsessed with seeking revenge against his bitter rival travels to the end of the world to settle the conflict. - fdr, format 8)

Hi - this seemed fairly interesting - a visually satisfying start.

Not too sure why it's in FD - FD can export pdf - and that'd be easier to read - a lot of people don't have FD so you're taking them out of the picture.

There's a little bit too much exposition in the initial dialogue to my mind.

Maybe you could have a note as to what the Scout was - that threw me initially.

Your second slug threw me - if you're outside the scout, then your stillin the desert flats - maybe a mini to indicate the vehicle?

Story seems better than the dialogue - I'll wait to see if your on the boards ...

Thanks for the feedback SiColl007. I didn't submit it as a pdf. However, I did re-submit it as a pdf under a different title "Cowboy's Burden." With all that aside, if it's not a bother, could you explain where you thought there was too much exposition in the dialogue.
Thanks, again.

... the first three pages are entirely expository ... ?

Hello, SiC.
I clearly understand your statement, now. Your statement wasn't confusing, but as the author I have a different prospective on my story. But I do agree with you. I wrote this as an exercise. I wanted to write a short of 10 pgs or fewer that resembled an actioner but it had to feel like a whole story--beginning/middle/end--as opposed to feeling like a "scene" as many action shorts do. I decided that V.O. or flashbacks were the most concise and effective way to build tension and set up the conflict in an short action script. I overlooked how obvious the exposition would read.
Thanks
Best regards.

;DThis script can found as a pdf.  in the Shorts section under "Cowboy's Burden" ;D