Boo Grumpy Man by Samuel Al (Walnutpictures) - Short, Drama - A touching and yet disturbing story about how loss and unconditional love  can lead one to commit horrible acts. 13 pages - pdf, format 8)

The synopsis is a huge turn-off, not a good way to start the read.  It reads unnaturally and the sentence structure is off.  It's also just not necessary.

Onto the read :D :

No fade in on page one.
The dialogue isn't punctuated correctly.  Missing periods, commas, random capitalization and missed capitalizations.  Needs a good proofread.

Alright, some misspellings and all that nasty stuff.  I'm going to ignore all that for now seeing as this is most likely a first draft.

I like the mystery you build at the beginning.  The bandage, the comment "you're not going to that thing again, are you?".  Makes me want to find out what happens next.

Some overusage of "beat" on page three.
Some overwriting in the action paragraphs.
You also tend to write in passive voice.  Change "is pointing" to "points".

"DAUGHTER
Must be a sad job
DAUGHTER (CONT’D)
Do you think they will be happy if
we wave at them and say hello."
Dunno why you split this up.

Okay, onto the story.  It seems to meander quite a bit, there doesn't seem to be a central theme here.  A man accidentally breaks this girl's hand and her father stabs him to death?  Doesn't that seem just a tad overkill?
Also, the scene with the security cameras.  What is the significance there?
If you break your hand, do you really just put a bandage on it?  Not a full cast?

Maybe I just interpreted this wrong.  I am very confused.  Perhaps you could pop up on the boards and enlighten me?  I look forward to hearing about your story in full. :D
Thanks,
Gage

TO GAGE
Thanks for reading the short film and for your valuable input.

I have actually rewritten this short-film and clarified certain issues. The new back Story is that the wife and daughter were victims of a car accident where some business man was speeding and  crashed into the mother and daughter. However the business man was no charged and in the father eyes no form of justice was found.

i have now  written in very short (Almost like a subliminal message) scenes of the mother in the hospital bed hooked up to an oxygen mask and very close to death, (Late on in the story we see in the other bed in the hospital room is the daughter hooked up to tubes.  In this scene the mother makes the father promise to 'Never let anyone hurt their daughter again'. And every-time the daughter mentions the mother, the father gets this horrific memory of his wife and the promise that he now has taken to a whole new level.

Obviously the story is filmed in reverse, and the fathers two reasons for killing this random business man who accidently hurt the daughters hand, are because firstly he is attempting to satisfy his thirst for "Justice' for what happened to his wife, and secondly in his deluded state, make up for breaking his promise. (Because the daughter got hurt again) even though  the man who crashed into his wife is the not the same man who hurt the daughters hand, the father essentially take his revenge on the business man.

Your very right about the synopsis, its appallingly written and i did it in a hurry because i had to forward it on to a potential DOP, who has now agreed to join the project.

When it comes to the grammar and punctuation and stuff like that i have severe dyslexia and furthermore for all my short-films, the actors signed on, on the basis of the story and so during rehearsals i was able to properly show the intended grammar/Timing and stuff like that.

But i do recognise that this is not a plausible reason for poor grammar and the next time i upload a short film i will make sure all the boring (But necessary stuff) is at a proper standard.

Once again i said in my other reply to your comment on my other short-film, i have a tendency to over describe and over write action paragraphs because i know i am the director on these projects. Thank-you for bringing this to my attention: but I am aware that when writing a script for any potential director that they like the action to be concise and not so detailed that it eats away from their own creative interpretation. Before i did the short-films. i co-wrote a feature film which was bought by paramount, and my co-writer and i, learned the hard way that over description and " a too long script' is a major put off for potential directors. Which is why i think i wrongly overcompensated with the short films.

I am really grateful for your opinions and the mistakes that you have pointed out, and hopefully i will improve. Many Thanks