Love and Latte by Raul Ramirez (ramigo3) - Drama - A successful young entrepreneur forced to accept his own mortality, finds solace in the lives of others. 119 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Raul,

Uhhh, I just finished your script and it was a snooze fest. Half way through, it acutally grabbed me for a second when Sarah asked Warren if he was gay, because I serious thought he was. The biggest twist was when he said he wasn't gay.

I gonna tell you the truth, I don't like the story or any of your characters. Sarah is the only one that is hit or miss. The only scene that had any substance, was when Warren revealed he improved maxi-pads and started dabbling in diapers. I can't stop laughing right now, but what killed it is that Warren is too soft. I thought he was secretly gay for crying out loud! Warren needs to more masculine for the scene to have the impact you seek.

When you give these characters dialouge, it has to move the story. I feel this story could be moved in less than 10 pages and I read all 100+ of it!

This doesn't need trimming, it needs a overhaul. I think if you can pull off a better story and attract more attention to this by using a tenth of the material. Thanks for the read.