What Starts Worse, Ends Better by Dale Trett - Comedy - A mundane case spirals out of control for two amateur detectives. 71 pages - pdf, format 8)

I was turned off with the opening coversation.  It was nothing but 2 guys insulting each other in an attempt to give us a back story and humor.  Nothing was funny, and it was way too long at 7 pages.  I'm not sure if you post here much, so I'll wait to see.  

A huge block of dialogue is not the best way to start off a script.  The idle conversation between the two detectives does little to develop the plot.

Also, Mat's attempt at picking up Emma was pretty awful as well as fumbling the coffee.  Seeing as how he is able to sleep with all these clients, I thought he would have had a bit more swagger.

Some of the material is very funny and the Dialogue is well written but you show virtually no action. I read 50 pages and it's just a handfuil of long scenes. The max a scene should be is 4-5 pages. The optimal lengteh is 3 or less.

That scene where Dalton is introduced is a whopping 8 pages.