The Transformation of Melanie by jim kopatsaris - Sci Fi, Fantasy -  A tragic love story between a brilliant young Genetics professor, (the grandson of late Dr. Joseph Legmen, a Nazi concentration camp doctor) and the professor’s young female dwarf maid with whom he is attached to and his decision to transform her into a regular size woman, then falling in love with her, make her pregnant and both live a short, ill-fated love life.  111 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Jim. Log-line's terrible, but I thought I'd give it a look none-the-less.

Story structure seemed to be okay at first, but I couldn't get past two pages, sorry. Liked the opening.

Problems really began to kick in bottom of page 1 - location is vague, but the prof is clearly somewhere specific.

The inscription on the door is just badly drawn.

We then go to Carl's residence where Carl's located in the Dinning room - I assume you mean Dining room? But we walk straight into an unfilmable. We then meet Melanie, and just dwarf would have been fine, but straight after her intro we get another unfilmable.

We dive straight into the next cock-up, and have Melanie wander into the kitchen - so how does Carl see her here? Looks to me like they're in different room - unless you want to check out a description of where we are?