Untimely by James Lynham - Short, Comedy - After a life of mistakes and a particular night of devastation, two college best friends attempt to leave their world behind by traveling through time. 36 pages - pdf, format 8)

Well apart from irritating people who do appear on the boards by reading those who don't appear on the boards, I thought I'd give this a quick once over. Maybe my whole philosophy is wrong and I need a re-write/think. About everything. Suffice to say I gave up at:

     DAD
This is a warning to act. It’s
coming from a good place, but I
will not let you waist your
potential.

Quoted from Forgive Well apart from irritating people who do appear on the boards by reading those who don't appear on the boards

Oh, don't worry, Simon.

You irritate people for a lot more than just that, trust me. ;D

Et tu Brutus?  ;D

I think you have the record for longest opening block of action/description.

You give a very extended character description as well. Most of what you tell us is what you should probably be showing us. You go very in depth with it.

I got through a few pages, but honestly, the EXTREMELY long descriptions had me just sort of skimming after that. I would definitely recommend cutting them down as much as possible.

Also, your time travel device thing sounds very made up to me: "Transmodulated Operational Recreator of Chaos Hybrid device". Although, I do like the acronym TORCH.